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[ 5 minute read ]

Ruining running

Let me give you an example of why only some people should be in charge. The fun-run I got irritated by on Sunday was run in a city close to me. I had to get to the other side of the city, and that meant passing through runners so drugged up with endorphins that they are no longer able to make decisions for themselves. For a while, for them, life only meant putting one foot in front of the other, until someone tells them to stop. I am not knocking them, but with someone who celebrates the super-power of hyper-vigilance (when it is controlled) I cannot understand why people take away their perception skills. I also cannot understand why pedestrians wear ear-buds on paths that are shared by pedestrians and cyclists.

Part of the running course on Sunday was on a road into the city. Only one side of the road was closed for runners to occupy. This means that the organisers had deemed that the use of half a roadway is sufficient for the runners to not fall over each other, while still allowing residents along the course to enter the city.

In the city, pedestrians and cyclists need to move cross-wise through the runners. So, I propose the organisers do the following:

Since only one carriageway is closed for the runners, anyone who wants to pass cross-wise through them, who is on a cycle-path that the runners have bisected, should be gathered in the middle of the road, where the broken white line is. Then the marshals should 'shoo' the runners onto the other side of the road, thus emptying the previously full side of runners. They can do this with two marshals. The pedestrians and cyclists can then cross and the people who want to cross the other way can move into the middle of the road and wait for the marshals to chase the runners back to the now empty side again. So simple, but it might mean it can only be done where there are traffic islands, such as at the approach to roundabouts and T-junctions.

It is not difficult to do this, or even come up with safe ways to let people move around in a city during a mass running event.

I think I should only moan or complain if I have a solution to a problem. Even if my solution is half-baked or unworkable. I think that attempting to understand a problem is a pre-requisite for making a complaint. If there is no suggested solution in a letter of complaint, it means the letter should be immediately and summarily 'binned' by the recipient.

     'Ooooh! We've got a good one here!'

     'What's it about?'

     'The run in the city. This person says that people trying to cross the road when there are runners on it should be able to rent seagulls and buy sticky chips. The chips should be thrown at the runners and the seagulls released. While the gulls are being fought off, a gap will appear in the stream of runners and people can cross.'

     'That's a great idea! I think we should take the complaint seriously.'

At the event, on the roadside, at regular intervals, long queues of people at odd looking stalls: 'Seagull and chips, please.'

If all the 34.2 million working people above the age of sixteen in the UK gave the Government £1 a week for a year, the Government would get just short of £1.8 billion to give back to the working people as tax cuts. Or the workers could be taxed 3 pence for every hour of work they do (a pay deficit or reduction of 3 pence per hour) this could give £1.7 billion to the Government for every 37.5 hours of paid work per week per person.

     'Here's one!'

     'Go on!'

     'Every week the UK government should spend £1 million doing the Euro-millions lottery.'

     'Brilliant! But I have just opened a letter here that has a better idea.'

     'Let's hear it.'

     'Sell London Bridge and a tin of gold paint to Donald Trump for his Mar-a-Largo home.'

     'I love it!'

One of the reasons I don't drink in pubs is because people are too serious about their problems. There is always a funny thing to say but it might take a mind not dulled by alcohol to be able to formulate it properly.

A long time ago, I used to drink too much. I drank to be unconscious and the drinking would go on for days. Being self-employed meant I only had to answer to myself. Drinking like that is only a temporary relief from mental problems. One day, it was about eight in the morning and I asked for a bottle of vodka in a shop near me.

     'It's a bit early, isn't it?' Even though any customer can be refused service in the UK for any reason at all, it really isn't for the checkout person to comment on any customer's purchases. I could have said, 'None of your business you nosy, snivelling guttersnipe.' I didn't.

     'It is for my guinea-pigs. You should hear them sing when they get drunk. Weeeeek, Weeeeek, Weeeeek!'

The poor lad didn't know whether to laugh or not.

Even longer ago, I was served at a checkout by a young woman.

     'Oh wow!,' she exclaimed, 'You look just like Olly!'

I waited until she was handing me my change.

     'Is he good-looking?, I innocently asked. It is a trick question.

     'Oh, he is gorgeous!'

I smiled at her suddenly red-cheeks when she realised what she had just said.

Complaining and encountering obstacles to progress shouldn't be all bad. Of course, we are emotionally invested and charged by something we do not like or agree with, but, I hope one day, I can take a moment to make a joke about it, instead of invective or negative statements.