Growing up is so intense and funny, isn't it? It's strange to feel like I'm no longer a kid, yet still not quite who I thought I’d be. Beats me! It's a curious sensation. I felt a bit 'meh' about writing this and exposing myself, but you know what? That’s what growing up is all about. So here are 23 lessons I learned at 23.
The only excuse you need is: because I wanted to.
As social beings, we often want to fit in, but the truth is, we don’t need excuses to do what we want. Instead of facing tough conversations and taking accountability for our choices, our brains sometimes invent white lies and little stories—first to convince ourselves, then others—about why we’re doing what we’re doing. Who hasn’t caught themselves already crafting excuses in their head, just in case anyone asks, even before they've acted? But do you see how unnecessary that is?
Personally, I grew up as the kid who 'never caused problems,' so I always felt that if I wanted to take risks or pursue something, I needed a great excuse to justify it. But in reality, that’s not the case at all. So go travel to that amazing place because you want to. Learn that language because it excites you. Buy that thing simply because it brings you joy. Do what you want to do because you want to.It’s simpler than we think. Needing to justify yourself is often just a reflection of your own insecurities. Truthfully, everyone is busy with their own lives and doesn’t care much about what you do or don’t do.
Feeling of loneliness and emptiness is part of human existence, not everything has an explanation.
Seriously, look around! "Life is not a strawberry" (a common expression in Brazil to say that life isn't easy and/or doesn't make any sense).
For a long time, I thought that whenever I felt a lack of something, I needed someone else to fill that void. But what I’ve discovered is that this emptiness is inside me—it's a constant, and it’s part of being human. We’ll never feel completely satisfied. You’ve probably noticed that no matter what you achieve, something always feels missing, and that can hurt. I learned that the only real way to soothe this sensation is to accept it. Accepting it is much easier than fighting against it. If I could give any advice, it would be: just accept it, and don’t feel pressured to “fix” it. You’ll feel a lot lighter.
Self-responsibility is far more effective than guilt
It took me a long time to understand this. I used to blame myself for absolutely everything in my life, and that only hurt my self-esteem and led me to dwell on mistakes or 'missed chances'. If I can actually call them that. Whether it was something I did, something I said, or a relationship I may have damaged, I’d cling to guilt unnecessarily. But now, I think differently: I may not feel proud of everything I’ve done, but at the time, I did what I could. From here on, I’ll do things differently. I’m no longer letting minor details from the past disrupt my present or stop me from creating a better future. Everyone makes mistakes, fails, procrastinates, and regrets things—that’s life. And it’s those ups and downs that make life interesting. If I succeed, great. If I fail, I’ll try again, and if I can’t, then why worry?
I'll never know why some people hurt me—better to accept it
Like with making excuses, I used to overthink why people would hurt me, wondering how anyone could know their actions might harm me yet still go through with them. I’d try to find explanations, asking myself what could have driven them to act that way. The truth, though, is that I may never know. They might not even realize they hurt me, or if they do, they might not care. Maybe I wasn’t that important to them, and that’s okay (or maybe not, but that’s life). If they didn’t apologize, chances are they don’t care. Worrying about it is what I consider emotional masochism; I always tell that to my friend Joanna. (You'll hear about her a lot here) It only creates anxiety and unnecessary suffering. Letting it go is the only way to move forward, accepting that I may never know why.
I can always start again—my past doesn’t define me
We often look back and only see our mistakes or missed opportunities, instead of seeing it as part of our journey. Life is a process, with ups and downs. Can you imagine how dull it would be if you always succeeded or always failed? Uncertainty is what keeps us alive.
Life is what you’re doing right now as you read this. We may not control the past, but we have full influence over what happens next. Some people say, “I’d love to change careers, but I’m already 40.” So what? Start now. Others say, “I’ve tried going to the gym so many times, but I always quit.” So what? Try again tomorrow. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve quit—you can always start again.
Have you given up on a project? Fine. Start a new one, or pick up where you left off. Dwelling on past failures only holds you back. If you were fired, you can find another job. If you failed an exam, you can try again. Would you rather use your years to live and try or to overthink and regret?
It's humanly impossible to stay the same forever
I’ve often felt puzzled by the changes in my personality, my style, or my perspectives over the years, and sometimes I’ve even felt embarrassed by it. But resisting change only makes things harder, and it won’t stop change from happening.
You can’t choose your desires; you can only choose how you respond to them. Liking or disliking something is a natural part of human growth, and the best thing you can do is accept it and move forward to your next change.
Ending things when I feel like it
When writing this post, I learned another lesson. Whilst I know this post was supposed to be “23 Lessons at 23,” but I’m happy with the five I’ve shared, I’ll leave it at that. Why? Because I want to.
Wishing you all the best, and I hope these reflections have given you a break from life’s chaos. Leave a comment if you share similar thoughts on anything!