There's a small and friendly restaurant in Head Street, Colchester which has recently started advertising "Gut Buster" meals. Intrigued, I did a modicum of research before going in and inviting the proprietor Trev to do an impromptu interview on my blog.
Me: Thanks for coming along Trev.
Trev: My pleasure William. I see it as advertising. All publicity is good publicity. Does your blog attract many visitors?
Me: There's a steady trickle. How's business?
Trev: We're doing good. Full for breakfast, full for dinner.
Me: Dinner being lunch?
Trev: Whatever.
Me: Do you attribute this to your Gut Buster menu?
Trev: Definitely.
Me: What's your Gut Buster breakfast?
Trev: Fried bread, fried eggs, bacon, sausages, beans, hash browns and black pudding. All for £3.50.
Me: And what do you fry your food with?
Trev: Lard. No fancy oils or nothing. Proper English lard like my mother used to use. Everything fried except the beans.
Me: We've done an analysis of your average breakfast. It contains 62 grams of saturated fat, 1650 kilocalories and 11 grams of salt.
Trev: Makes your mouth water, don't it?
Me: Irresistible. But is it good for your health?
Trev: My mother lived to 92, and she smoked.
Me: And your father?
Trev: He left home when I was a nipper. Never saw him again.
Me: The government recommends no more than 25 grams of saturated fat a day, and 6 grams of salt.
Trev: They don't know nothing.
Me: Do you every worry about the obesity epidemic?
Trev: Nah. A bit of what you fancy does you good.
Me: Are you contemplating healthy options - like salad and chicken breast?
Trev: Nah. No one wants that kind of muck. They want the Gut Buster for £3.50.
Me: Do you eat Gut Busters yourself?
Trev: Every day.
Me: Wouldn't you say your Body Mass Index is slightly higher than it should be?
Trev: Yeah. I'm well nourished. Women love it.
Me: Of course they do. Well, that's it for today. Many thanks.
Trev: You're welcome William. Come round for a full Gut Buster for £3.50 any time. Best value in town.
Me: See you. Trev.
Trev: Yes, £3.50. No one knows how I do it. Debenhams hates me. Gut Buster, easy to remember.
Me: Let me help you through the door Trev. It's a bit narrow I'm afraid. If you breathe in and turn slightly sideways...