Personal Blogs

       How many times have you found yourself staring at your reflection, wondering if you measure up to the standards set by society? Have you ever scrolled through social media, feeling a pang of inadequacy as you compare yourself to the flawless images flooding your feed? These experiences are all too common in a world where beauty often reigns supreme. The pursuit of perfection can be both intoxicating and destructive. The phrase “pretty hurts” captures this paradox: the societal pressure to meet unrealistic beauty standards frequently comes at a significant cost, not only to our physical health but also to our emotional and mental well-being.

The Weight of Societal Expectations

From a young age, we are bombarded with messages that dictate what is considered beautiful. Media, advertisements, and even social platforms set the tone, showcasing flawless skin, sculpted bodies, and unattainable ideals. For many, these expectations become a standard they feel compelled to achieve. The endless chase for perfection, however, often leads to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and even self-loathing.

The Cost of Beauty

The beauty industry, valued at billions of dollars, thrives on insecurities. It markets products and services as the solutions to perceived flaws. From invasive surgeries to the latest skincare products, people invest significant amounts of time, money, and effort to fit the mould. While some changes can enhance confidence, others may come with lasting consequences, such as health complications from cosmetic procedures or the psychological toll of obsessive comparison.

Mental Health Implications

The impact of striving for beauty is not just skin-deep. Studies have linked the obsession with physical appearance to issues such as anxiety, depression, and body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). Social media—with its filters and curated content—only amplifies these struggles, fostering an environment where self-worth is often tied to likes and validation from others.

The Role of Social Media

Social media platforms have become a double-edged sword in modern society. While they offer a space for connection and self-expression, they also foster an environment ripe for comparison. Users are inundated with images of seemingly perfect lives and appearances, often unaware of the extensive editing or selective portrayal behind these posts. This constant exposure can erode self-esteem and create unrealistic expectations.

The algorithmic nature of social media intensifies these effects. Platforms frequently promote content that aligns with users' interests, inadvertently creating an echo chamber of idealised beauty standards. As individuals compare their unfiltered realities to curated online personas, feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction grow, exacerbating mental health struggles.

Moreover, the pressure to maintain an online presence—with likes, comments, and followers serving as metrics of validation—further compounds these issues. The pursuit of digital approval can lead to obsessive behaviours, such as over-editing photos or striving for trends that compromise authenticity. This cycle of comparison and validation often leaves users trapped in a state of perpetual discontent.

Breaking Free from the Beauty Trap

To combat the harmful effects of beauty pressures, it is essential to cultivate self-acceptance and challenge societal norms. This involves:

Redefining Beauty: Embracing the diversity of appearances and recognising that beauty comes in many forms.

Media Literacy: Being critical of the content we consume and understanding that much of what we see is heavily edited or staged.

Prioritising Health Over Aesthetics: Focusing on habits that promote physical and mental well-being rather than conforming to an ideal.

Building a Supportive Community: Surrounding oneself with people who value authenticity and encourage self-love.

Conclusion

“Pretty hurts,” but it doesn’t have to. By shifting our focus from external validation to internal fulfilment, we can break free from the damaging cycle of beauty standards. True beauty lies not in perfection but in self-acceptance and the courage to be authentic in a world that often demands otherwise.

References

1.Widdows, H., PhD. (2024, January 29). Are social media algorithms perpetuating the beauty ideal? Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/perfect-me/202401/social-media-and-unrealistic-beauty-ideals

2. American Psychological Association. (2023, February). Social media effects on body image: Evidence and interventions. APA News. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/02/social-media-body-image

3. Kaziga, R., Muchunguzi, C., Achen, D., & Kools, S. (2021). Beauty Is Skin Deep; The Self-Perception of Adolescents and Young Women in Construction of Body Image within the Ankole Society. International journal of environmental research and public health, 18(15), 7840. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph18157840

Growing up is so intense and funny, isn't it? It's strange to feel like I'm no longer a kid, yet still not quite who I thought I’d be. Beats me! It's a curious sensation. I felt a bit 'meh' about writing this and exposing myself, but you know what? That’s what growing up is all about. So here are 23 lessons I learned at 23. 

The only excuse you need is: because I wanted to. 

As social beings, we often want to fit in, but the truth is, we don’t need excuses to do what we want. Instead of facing tough conversations and taking accountability for our choices, our brains sometimes invent white lies and little stories—first to convince ourselves, then others—about why we’re doing what we’re doing. Who hasn’t caught themselves already crafting excuses in their head, just in case anyone asks, even before they've acted? But do you see how unnecessary that is?

It’s simpler than we think. Needing to justify yourself is often just a reflection of your own insecurities. Truthfully, everyone is busy with their own lives and doesn’t care much about what you do or don’t do.

 Feeling of loneliness and emptiness is part of human existence, not everything has an explanation. 

Seriously, look around! "Life is not a strawberry" (a common expression in Brazil to say that life isn't easy and/or doesn't make any sense).

For a long time, I thought that whenever I felt a lack of something, I needed someone else to fill that void. But what I’ve discovered is that this emptiness is inside me—it's a constant, and it’s part of being human. We’ll never feel completely satisfied. You’ve probably noticed that no matter what you achieve, something always feels missing, and that can hurt. I learned that the only real way to soothe this sensation is to accept it. Accepting it is much easier than fighting against it. If I could give any advice, it would be: just accept it, and don’t feel pressured to “fix” it. You’ll feel a lot lighter.

Self-responsibility is far more effective than guilt

It took me a long time to understand this. I used to blame myself for absolutely everything in my life, and that only hurt my self-esteem and led me to dwell on mistakes or 'missed chances'. If I can actually call them that. Whether it was something I did, something I said, or a relationship I may have damaged, I’d cling to guilt unnecessarily. But now, I think differently: I may not feel proud of everything I’ve done, but at the time, I did what I could. From here on, I’ll do things differently. I’m no longer letting minor details from the past disrupt my present or stop me from creating a better future. Everyone makes mistakes, fails, procrastinates, and regrets things—that’s life. And it’s those ups and downs that make life interesting. If I succeed, great. If I fail, I’ll try again, and if I can’t, then why worry?

I'll never know why some people hurt me—better to accept it

Like with making excuses, I used to overthink why people would hurt me, wondering how anyone could know their actions might harm me yet still go through with them. I’d try to find explanations, asking myself what could have driven them to act that way. The truth, though, is that I may never know. They might not even realize they hurt me, or if they do, they might not care. Maybe I wasn’t that important to them, and that’s okay (or maybe not, but that’s life). If they didn’t apologize, chances are they don’t care. Worrying about it is what I consider emotional masochism; I always tell that to my friend Joanna. (You'll hear about her a lot here) It only creates anxiety and unnecessary suffering. Letting it go is the only way to move forward, accepting that I may never know why.

I can always start again—my past doesn’t define me

We often look back and only see our mistakes or missed opportunities, instead of seeing it as part of our journey. Life is a process, with ups and downs. Can you imagine how dull it would be if you always succeeded or always failed? Uncertainty is what keeps us alive.

Life is what you’re doing right now as you read this. We may not control the past, but we have full influence over what happens next. Some people say, “I’d love to change careers, but I’m already 40.” So what? Start now. Others say, “I’ve tried going to the gym so many times, but I always quit.” So what? Try again tomorrow. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve quit—you can always start again.

Have you given up on a project? Fine. Start a new one, or pick up where you left off. Dwelling on past failures only holds you back. If you were fired, you can find another job. If you failed an exam, you can try again. Would you rather use your years to live and try or to overthink and regret?

It's humanly impossible to stay the same forever

I’ve often felt puzzled by the changes in my personality, my style, or my perspectives over the years, and sometimes I’ve even felt embarrassed by it. But resisting change only makes things harder, and it won’t stop change from happening.

You can’t choose your desires; you can only choose how you respond to them. Liking or disliking something is a natural part of human growth, and the best thing you can do is accept it and move forward to your next change. 

Ending things when I feel like it

When writing this post, I learned another lesson. Whilst I know this post was supposed to be “23 Lessons at 23,” but I’m happy with the five I’ve shared, I’ll leave it at that. Why? Because I want to.

Wishing you all the best, and I hope these reflections have given you a break from life’s chaos. Leave a comment if you share similar thoughts on anything!