Welcome in, if you like to come in,
And today I am questioning my very existence. I don't know if Facebook is a valid source of world information... it certainly gives me up-to-date news on the day-to-day dealings of the people I knew in my primary school days. And I daresay they are laughing at us because we can't work it out, because we don't have the intelligence to know, that God is in control. Long story short, that will be the long and short and of my missive - that God is the only way. And I sound fundamentalist there, however, I even doubt the sanctity of my message there, because the legacy of the Heavenly Father is a time old tradition, of which I may even be ignorant.
Quantum mechanics. Einstein said, and I paraphrase, "I like to think the moon is there even when I am not looking at it." He has a point, and yet he draws influence from the doctrine of institution. I've always been slightly against that doctrine, and I believe that is why I failed so miserably at university. But I feel that, at the end of the day, whatever we're told, be it that there is a deadly virus circulating the planet, keeping people in their homes, and keeping people from seeing each other, or be it that the NASA moon landings were fakes, and that the Earth is flat, at the end of the day, we are sat inside, looking at a television, or a computer monitor, and we're inside a box, which box is our room. Everything we know is a mere illusion. Everyone has a different opinion, and there are people who will uphold certain doctrines, and we believe those people, and naively so.
But I'm beginning to believe that, at heart, everything is in fact an illusion, and I speak from personal perspective. I'm talking from own experience, the contents of which is that, for me, life has always been, as I have consistently said, that God keeps it real. That is the nature of my current contention.
Now, I have friends that I can talk about this to, and people who will listen to me talking. And I have people on the other side, who will not listen, and who will dictate to me exactly what I should and shouldn't think. And then I have my mother. She is real, and she is alive, and I love her, and that's the end of that.
But as an enlightened schizophrenic, who has been through the enlightenment indoctrination, and consequently failed, and been both naturally sedated in a dangerous recreational drugging that amounts to a 'coming down', and also, a medicinal and institutional medical drugging that amounts to complete and utter regeneration and cleansing, I know exist with a magical experience, which nobody outside my own head could possibly understand. I take antipsychotics that keep me sedated, and this sedation is an institutional measure, the onset of which it is claimed to be a safe measure for the public at large. But the sedation keeps my pre-frontal cortex from becoming too full, with thoughts and emotions, that may or may not be dangerous to others in the public.
Nevertheless, these are my experiences, and I have a past at forty two years of age, and I am happy enough to be able to have experienced them - I have written about them, and will write about them further. The thing I am trying to say here is that, as a human who has partaken of institutionalisation, occasionally wilfully, yet really against my will, it is the truth to say that, the only thing I know is that I know nothing at all.
Everything that anyone knows, and I am talking about doctors and the mere man on the street, is what they have been told, is told in the context of a time-zone, and context of a historical narrative, and in the context of religious learning, and cultural learning. For what use would a man have with a doctorate in medicine if he was sent to the moon, or placed in prison?
I'm saying that, in the context of a free mind, what era are we even in? What world do we even live in? What language do we speak? Who are our family?
This last point causes me to think of the archetypal representations of the soul, that is, the primordial archetypes, that may be found in our dreams, or when we are open in our subconsciousness; when we are not aware entirely of what we're 'supposed' to think or believe. It causes me to think of those primordial archetypes (which are traditionally called geometric shapes and certain representations), that are the moral facts of being human, the essence of which even may be considered crass, or superfluous. However, I have a mother. And I have a father. I have a brother and a sister, and these are the facts of my existence, of which I am only naively aware. What we must be originally and permanently aware of is that we are in ourselves, singularities.
I wish my experiences were not as esoteric as they have been, for it is hard to talk about them without a sense of 'tongue-in-cheek'. But I have been to both heaven and hell, in many different guises, and many people will know what I am talking about. But why am I here?
I wish to say that in the depth of my heart, I know that God keeps it real. That is, at heart, life is just a story. And God is a very good storyteller, and a great illusionist.
Life is just a story.