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I've often struggled with feeling at ease in my own skin when younger. Why not , when I know I am far from perfect? I don't strive to impress anyone; instead, I try to live authentically, even if it means facing criticism. In those moments, I find solace in prayer, seeking forgiveness for perhaps occupying too much space in someone's mind.
Identity is a complex dance of perception—how we see ourselves and how others choose to see us, often shaped by their limited understandings. This challenge is particularly stark when encountering uninformed or prejudiced views. For those individuals, I offer prayers, hoping for enlightenment and understanding on their path as well as mine.
Perfection is not something I claim. Who among us can? Over the years, as I've aged, I've become acutely aware of my flaws and the times I've fallen short. Memories of moments when I've hurt others—some as far back as fifty years ago—haunt me occasionally. Just recently, I remembered someone I wronged decades ago. Unable to make amends personally, I asked a mutual friend to convey my apologies. That act, coupled with prayers for forgiveness, is how I attempt to make peace with my past errors within this imperfect body.
Life continually throws curveballs, yet I find a way to accept them, learning to be comfortable with the imperfections that define my human experience. This acceptance reminds me of a parable about two men praying at a wall. One boasted of his virtues— a trait often found in religious people. viewing others as lesser beings.
The other, recognizing his own failings, simply asked for mercy for his sins. The contrast between the two—the self-satisfied and the self-aware—illustrates the peace that comes from embracing one's imperfections rather than denying them.
In acknowledging my flaws and seeking forgiveness, not only from others but from God, I find true comfort in my own skin, not because I am flawless, but because I am earnest in my journey towards betterment.
“Two men went up to the temple to pray. One was a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed, ‘God, I thank You that I am not like the other men—swindlers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and pay tithes of all that I acquire.’
But the tax collector stood at a distance, unwilling even to lift up his eyes to heaven. Instead, he beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man, rather than the Pharisee, went home justified. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Luke 18: 9-14.