I felt a sea of sorrows today.
The kilesas hit me hard.
Every dark desire within this mind.
Came out in force to attack me.
The demon armies of Mara.
Defeated my resolve.
Pummelled me to dust.
I fell hard,
Ripped to shreds.
Almost dying from the intense struggle.
It was fierce.
They were strong.
Compassion failed me.
Love felt impossible.
The hate was like poison in my veins.
An all-consuming fire.
Burning me as it burned the world.
With thoughts tangled up in the net of craving.
Consciousness spiralled into darkness.
Visions of Hellish worlds unfolded.
Countless suffering beings.
I felt overwhelmed.
My heart withdrew.
But there was no escape from the torment.
'This practise isn't easy.' I said out loud. "I give up. I can't do this anymore. It is too much. I'm done."
Then the rain fell outside the window.
Washed the Hells to tranquility.
I heard the green of the leaves
As the water trickled down them.
Brahma devas smiled
Golden coloured clouds.
'Asoka' they said.
And I remembered.
I let it go.
No longer clinging
to its fuel.
The fire went cool.
There was an upwelling of relief.
The heart rising like a phoenix
from the ashes.