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Backwards and forwards

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Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Tuesday, 28 Sep 2021, 01:58

Backwards and forwards and backwards again, 

Feel like I am going round and round in circles,

Starlight glistening around the edges of despair,

Stomach a writhing mass of twisted hissing knots,

I feel alone, broken and utterly bereft.

Buddha I need your help,

I can't see a way through, 

I am lost in the jungle,

Can't meditate, can't study, can't work, can't sleep, can't eat,

Not a feeling of metta in sight,

Just a feeling of hopelessness and doubt,

The spiritual path suddenly feels so empty,

And like asking the impossible, I just can't do it,

I don't know what is happening to me,

I want to be free of this .
I can't bare it anymore.
I am knocking at the door.

Is nibanna real? Why is it so hard to find?
I just long for some peace of mind.
To never feel like this again.




Permalink 2 comments (latest comment by Richie Cuthbertson, Monday, 21 Mar 2022, 20:52)
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Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Sunday, 12 Sep 2021, 14:00

Sorry for all the spiritual stuff. I know it isn't everyone's cup of tea, but then noone has to read this.

 I guess I just don't feel much hope for the future. Feels like the world is ending. The oceans are dying, the forests are burning, the insects are dying, many species are going extinct. The rise of the right wing fascists and the surveillance state. The loss of welfare and worker's rights, loss of human rights next, and the misery of low wage crap jobs, working long hours in sweatshop conditions, suffering from lack of sleep, and despite working so hard having to survive on food banks is the experience of many. And when the shit really hits the fan, there will be a refugee crisis unlike anything the earth has known, worse than the one even now. 

I don't feel much hope for this world, and it causes me to want to escape and look deep within for solutions and freedom from all this madness and oppression.

This world is so fucked man. Our poor kids having to inherit this hell.

The only positive I can find is that this amount of suffering makes the incentive to become enlightened much more appealing. A grand opportunity to become awakened for everyone in these times, and there's so much spiritual knowledge at our fingertips, more than at any other time in history, that is something at least.


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