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Talking Shop

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I’ve just opened a clock shop. It’s not doing great, but it’s tIcking over.

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Slanderous

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They said I knew diddly squat. I was like “No, never met the bloke”.

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Hairpiece

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I bought a wig for five thousand pounds. That’s a lot toupee.

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The secret life of decimals

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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 20 Feb 2021, 01:39

Recently some of my decimals ran away. But I managed to round them all up.

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Help Needed

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I couldn't think of a word meaning the same as kayak. Canoe?

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Ambition

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I hoped to come up with a one lion joke. Although it’s nothing you can take pride from.


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Punishment

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Groaner

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As lockdown eases I can resume my meringue making classes. I’ll be very careful and not take any unnecessary whisks.

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Hamlet's Pencil Dilemma

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 3 Oct 2019, 22:41

I couldn't choose the right pencil. 2B or not 2B?

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One Liner

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My neighbours have some pond fish who hide themselves away. Apparently they’re coy.

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One Liner

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Sadly my Uncle gambled his wife away. He was playing Poker, and she was the Ante.

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One Liner

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I wasn’t very successful as a judge. I think I was trying too hard.

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Lucky for Some

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As I said to my pet Dung Beetle: "Shit happens. Get over it."

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If I could come back as an animal...

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I'd like to come back as a wildebeest. So I could start a gnu life.

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