Garden shears. There’s a cutting-edge technology.

I went on a novelty trip, “Follow a day in the life of an Amazon driver”. It was a package tour.

According to legend, St Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland, which gives rise to one of my favourite jokes.

“What did St Patrick say when he drove the snakes out of Ireland?”

“Are ye all right in the back there, Snakes?”

Lola loyola

Lola neeyay loyola.

(“Lola is loyal, Lola in not loyal.” I’ve used English spelling which I hope is a reasonable approximation.)

Here's a tongue-twister I made up.

When my over-oiled overalls need overhauling it falls to my overalls overhauler to overhaul my over-oiled overalls.

What astronomical feat does a barber perform? Eclipse.

These winter aconites were photographed in the grounds of Wimpole Hall.

The plant is a serious poison that can cause cardiac arrest, which I didn't know and which surprised me. Another name for it is 'wolfsbane', apparently because it was once believed to be good for wolf bites. 

The round tuit (that you haven't got one of).

The jump tuit and the hop tuit.

The up tuit (that you don't fee0.

I thought I was buying jellied eels but it turned out to be a special offers on selected jellies.

At last! After decades of toil in my Alchemical Laboratory, I have found the Elixir of Life.

Turns out to be a thin watery soup, which I’ve named The Holy Gruel.