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Richard Walker

Bee Haiku

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Welcome bees to my lavender bush.
You seem to grasp life
Better than me.

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Richard Walker

Xmas Motto #3

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 4 Jul 2016, 22:07

Los Elvos offer this from their holiday hideout. Feedback would be welcome they say (Ed. No arguing with that).

Question: What do you call an indecisive contest between sea-bird artists, in which both competitors fail to complete a single sketch?

Answer: A no-gull draw.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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All these celebrity recipes. I take them with a pinch of salt.

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Richard Walker

Epitaph for a Brexiter

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No Remains here!

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Richard Walker

Tipping Etiquette

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I never know how much to tip. Could I get away with 50% of my waste?

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Richard Walker

Politcal Geometry

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Commencing with the Swiss philosopher Rousseau, we have have heard much of Political Economy, but little of Political Geometry. This need immediate remedy.

The term 'right', 'left', and 'centre', were originally the seating arrangements (members of the respective parties being grouped together on the benches) in the French Assembly established following the French Revolution.

In our complex world I don't think this simplistic plan will survive.

We need at least 'up' and 'down', and at minimum another dimension: for example 'in' and 'out'.

The meeting chamber will be hard to architect but a new challenge is always welcome, and I would be willing to put my prodigious talents at the project's disposal for a very modest fee, as usual.



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Richard Walker

One Liner

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All this stuff about the Far Left and the Far Right. It's time we heard for the Far Middle.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Is Aleksandr the only one saying, "Don't leave the single Meerkat?"

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Apparently we've reversed our thinking on sea-birds many times. It's described in a new book, About Terns.

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Richard Walker

Yuletide Elves - Latest Riddle

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All you know, our Merry Mottoes for Yuletide are written by Elves.

From the falling-in of the shoe trade our Elvish with-workers have turned their hands to other things of craft, and riddles are one of their most lofty skills. Though highly poetic our elves still keep hints of their Anglo-Saxon beginnings. The new-writer will better these kennings ere Yuletide is nigh.

Their latest work (only in feoh testing at this point ) is seen here-under.

Mighty am I, from foot far to flank.

Towering above others, my face and brow forbidding.

What am I?


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Richard Walker

Alla Barnen

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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 1 Jul 2016, 22:46

All the kids loved kittens. So did Drew.

Except she loved them best in stew.

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Richard Walker

The Battle of the Somme

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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 1 Jul 2016, 00:04

I asked only once.

"He used to keep pigeons", she said.

Silence. Neither of us could stand more pain.



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Richard Walker

Our Xmas Elves...

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 30 Jun 2016, 22:17

... are once more re-employed (they call it "zero hours" in the freezing weather!) & working tirelessly (they have no wheels) to prepare new & snappy cracks for your Xmas Amusement.

This year we have split the Elves into two teams. One writes the mottoes and another, smaller, team works on the visual design. (The frilly bits round the edges.)

Naturally the content must come first, and we will "road-test every jest" before it is put into production. Here is Joke #1, which we are allowing selected users early access to.

Question: Why are 'i' and 't' the smartest letters?

Answer: Because they are extremely intelligent.

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Richard Walker

A Woodman's Lament

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 30 Jun 2016, 21:38

When fir away

I pine for yew.

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Richard Walker

Daffynition

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 30 Jun 2016, 00:47

Cynical: Popcorn

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Richard Walker

Political Economy

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 30 Jun 2016, 00:35

Power now.

Data later.

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Richard Walker

Mexit

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Frankenstein Votes To Quit Monster Community - It's Out For The Count!

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Richard Walker

A Parable For Our Times: The Reluctant Lemming

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 27 Jun 2016, 23:09

One day Big Lemming called an assembly.

"It is time", said Big Lemming, "For us to cast ourselves into the Ocean. Such is the destiny of Lemmings."

But one young lemming, called Lemuel (Lemmy for short) asked "Why?"

A gasp of horror ran round the burrow. The hair of all the mature lemmings stood on end.

"Well... well because!", spluttered Big Lemming. "It's what lemmings do."

"Why?" said Lemmy. "Silly old tradition if you ask me."

His mum, his dad, his gran and every one in his kinship circle said: "If you don't don't know why, we aren't going to tell you!" They were weak on argumentation.

But Lemmy simply said: "Phooey! Chuck yourself into the silly old sea. I'm staying right here on the clifftop."

And so he did. All the others flung themselves into the sea and perished, but Lemmy survived.

Unfortunately he soon began to miss his fellow lemmings and wondered if he had failed to reach out them. Broken by remorse, he threw himself off the cliff.

MORAL

Traditions are only a social construct, but they get most of us in the end.

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Richard Walker

The Cat's Choice

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 27 Jun 2016, 21:51

Erwin Schrödinger.

In or out? Which is it to be? Don't go in and then ask to come back out again.

Felix

Miaow.


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Richard Walker

Schrödinger's Voter

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Both in and out at the same time. Only the collapse of the political wave function will decide which.

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Richard Walker

Pets - How They Voted (Pexit)

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 27 Jun 2016, 21:39

The dog begged to be taken out.

The cat wanted out, but then it wanted straight back in.

The canary got out, but the cat ate it.

The hamster slept through it all.

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Richard Walker

News Flash

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The tiny country of Sweetieland was rocked tonight as the Allsorts party wrested power from the Toffs. Although the election was close, observers said the Allsorts victory was "in the bag".

A spokesperson for the Allsorts declared people had been fed up with humbug and fudge.


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Richard Walker

GSOH

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You advertised a GSOH

But you were only having a laugh with me.

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Richard Walker

John Donne; a Favorite Poet

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This has always been one of my favorite poems, and I have never understood those who wanted to throw up walls.

No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend's
Or of thine own were:
Any man's death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.

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Richard Walker

Sausage Vote Shocks Community

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Other members of the Full English Breakfast Community were left stunned this morning when the Sausage voted to jump out of the Frying Pan at the earliest opportunity.

Interviewed soon after the surprise "out" vote, the Sausage insisted the Fire was "a new dawn".

FEBC officials said the Sausage's action posed a serious threat and similar action by the Bacon would be rasher.


Permalink 2 comments (latest comment by Richard Walker, Saturday, 25 Jun 2016, 22:46)
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