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Richard Walker

One Niler

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Why was baby Moses impatient to be found? Because he was in a rush.

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Richard Walker

Ruthless Rhyme

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 10 Apr 2016, 18:42

When Sidney got the text, he said

"Oh bother! Father's dead.

This causes me enormous sorrow.

I'd booked my holiday tomorrow."

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Richard Walker

Chicken Joke

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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 9 Apr 2016, 17:19

Why did the drunken chicken cross the road?

To get to the other cider.

(With apologies to Savage Chickens)

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Richard Walker

Take These as Bread: Painful Daffinitons

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Bagel = Lifeguard

Bakers = Baskerville's doggy doom

Bloomer = Mediterranean sea

Boulangerie = Way of scaring underwear

Chapati = No, we went straight home

Dough = See Homer

Loaf = unwilling

Naan  = May be in granary

Rye = Ironic

Slice = Diagnosis of infestation




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Richard Walker

One Liner

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I hardly thought about my arteries. That is, until my drains got blocked.

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Richard Walker

Cheesy Comparison

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Gouda

Is louda.

But Feta

Better.

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Richard Walker

Pronoun confusion

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If I were you

And you were me

Would ye be mou

And me be thee?


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Richard Walker

A Poem for this Starry Night

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This starry night,
Walking light
And barefoot home, through
The grass.


The dew,
Embraces me too,
As I pass.

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Richard Walker

Memory Haiku

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And what would it to be like.

To have no memory?

Alway Spring, or

Always Winter.

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Richard Walker

Celestial Response

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From: Celestial Bureaucracy (Mortals)

To: All Mortal Supplicants

Subject: Excessive workload

A recent flood of supplications is placing our staff under stress. I am sure you will understand if I ask you to send future complaints directly to my mailbox, monkey@rainbow.bridge

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Richard Walker

Ruthless Rhyme

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 31 Mar 2016, 22:18
When Billy died in frightful pain,
We vowed to never visit there again.
As Father said, "Their hygiene's flawed."
"But all the same, he was insured."
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Richard Walker

Dinosaurance

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 31 Mar 2016, 02:13

Trust me. I sell asteroid insurance. It's good so far. Very few claims.

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Richard Walker

Tom Aukley

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"Sorry to interrupt but if you crane your necks to the right you'll see some magnificent seabirds", said Tom awkwardly.


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Richard Walker

Two Liner

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I always thought a couplet was a small cup.

Apparently I messed up.

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Richard Walker

Spring Haiku

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Brolly inside-out. Shoes leaking.

Such wind and rain!

But it's Spring, I like it.


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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 27 Mar 2016, 20:20

I used to read a lot about geese. In the end it got me down.

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Richard Walker

Clerihew

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Charles Babbage
Detested cabbage.
He was very keen
On his Analytical Machine.
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Richard Walker

From the Joke Factory

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Our Stakhanovite Elves toil ceaselessly, stockpiling well in advance to meet this year's demand for Christmas cracker mottoes. Here is an example that rolled off the production line as I wrote this.

Q. Three Frogs were in a Pond. Which one was obedient?

A. The one that Toad the line.

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Richard Walker

?

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What does it say in this post?

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Richard Walker

Holding Queue

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I'd really like to help but...

We are so busy at the minute.

Could you come back a lifetime on Thursday?

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Richard Walker

Tongue Twister

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Try saying

"Pump clip

aloud 10 times in a row.


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Richard Walker

Question

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Is there a question which is its own answer?

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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I used to love sailing the seven seas. But the glamour's worn off... Now I'm just going through them oceans.

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Richard Walker

Ruthless Rhyme

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 21 Mar 2016, 00:41
Should Granny die, we think it best
That in the garden she is laid to rest.

According to Dead Gran Adviser,
"Think of gran as fertiliser."

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Richard Walker

Ruthless Rhymes

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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 19 Mar 2016, 18:49

Thinking of the 'Alla Barnen' verses reminded me of Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes by Harry Graham.

I don't know if you are familiar with these: they exploit a strain of black humour. Here's an example

  Father heard his children scream
  So he threw them in the stream
  Saying, as he drowned the third,
  "Children should be seen, not heard!"



Here's my contribution to the genre, an updated version of the Ruthless Rhyme above. 

  When Father heard his children shriek,
  He flung them in an icy creek.
  Musing, as he watched them freeze,
  "That should save on Uni fees!"

Image: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Graham_(poet)#/media/File:Ruthless_Rhymes_1898.jpg

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