OU blog

Personal Blogs

Richard Walker

Against Time

Visible to anyone in the world

Time, you bastard!

How can we be friends.

When you're just

Trying to do us all in?

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Typo Definition #1

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 21 Apr 2016, 23:02

eadership

noun

  • no-one actually at the front.
Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

One Liner

Visible to anyone in the world

Someone left me some drawing pins in their will. Turned out they were inheritance tacks.

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Albert's Ad Annoyance - Terrible Tongue Twister

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Wednesday, 20 Apr 2016, 02:35

I came up with this tonight, and it seems pretty tough to read aloud. Give it a try and write back!

What Andrea is, is annoyed by anedoids ads.

As any adenoidally ad annoyed Andrea is annoyed by anedoids ads.

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Ruthless Limericks #1

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 17 Apr 2016, 22:00

A certain young gourmet named Grice

Reckoned crispy roast wombat was nice.

He said' "There's a dearth,

For they live in the earth.

But I'll dig you one up in a trice."

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Tonight

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 17 Apr 2016, 01:36

At that moment

A bright cold halo

Appeared round the moon

An owl hooted.


Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

The Compound Eye

Visible to anyone in the world
A dragonfly's

Steady gaze.
Mount Fuji.

Issa

Our eyes let us see further than a dragonfly can, but from the time of Galileo we have explored how we can extend our reach, not just to gaze at the mountains, but to penetrate the heavens. And for that we use telescopes.

The first optical telescopes were very small, at least by modern standards. For example, one of Newton's seems to have a diameter of about 50 mm. 

But subsequently the diameter of telescopes has doubled and redoubled many times, as various construction problems have been overcome.

The first telescopes used lenses, but starting with Newton's, reflecting telescopes have dominated, because it's much less difficult to manufacture big mirrors than it is big lenses.

Why does size matter? Because a bigger diameter means, in simple terms, a bigger magnification.

So there are three really big telescopes planned to come into operation 2020s (hopefully). The biggest telescope at present is the Keck, which is 10 m across, so collects 40,000 times as much light as Newton's, if I have my sums right. The new ones proposed will be 25 m, 30 m, and the largest of all, the European Extremely Large Telescope, at 39 m.

This giant dragonfly eye won't be just one huge mirror, it will be made of 798 hexagons, each 1.44 m across a compound mirror, just as dragonfly sees through compound lenses.

And in case you wondered the EELT won't physically be in Europe, for practical reasons, but in Chile.

The EELT and the other big telescopes will let us take pictures of exoplanets. These are planets orbiting other stars from ours. Many of these have been discovered but usually their existence is only inferred, from regular periodic changes in the light we observe from the star, as the planet comes between it and us. Only in a score of cases can we even observe the planet as a separate object from its star.

When a promising new exoplanet is discovered the media often feature illustrations of what it looks like, particularly if there is any possibility that it could harbour life. But these are merely the imaginative work of artists, not real pictures captured by telescopes.

The new generation telescopes will change this. For the first time we shall be able to actually see exoplanets orbiting their stars. We shall have come a long way from Galileo's observation of Jupiter being circled by its moons. 

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

SWISS LEADER SLAMMED

Visible to anyone in the world

Swiss leader William Tell was heavily criticised last night for being "Too obsessed with targets".

Herr Tell's office was unavailable for comment.

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Untitled

Visible to anyone in the world

Why was the word "posesses" embarrassed to be seen in public?

Because it was under-essed.

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

One Niler

Visible to anyone in the world

Why was baby Moses impatient to be found? Because he was in a rush.

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Ruthless Rhyme

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 10 Apr 2016, 18:42

When Sidney got the text, he said

"Oh bother! Father's dead.

This causes me enormous sorrow.

I'd booked my holiday tomorrow."

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Chicken Joke

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 9 Apr 2016, 17:19

Why did the drunken chicken cross the road?

To get to the other cider.

(With apologies to Savage Chickens)

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Take These as Bread: Painful Daffinitons

Visible to anyone in the world

Bagel = Lifeguard

Bakers = Baskerville's doggy doom

Bloomer = Mediterranean sea

Boulangerie = Way of scaring underwear

Chapati = No, we went straight home

Dough = See Homer

Loaf = unwilling

Naan  = May be in granary

Rye = Ironic

Slice = Diagnosis of infestation




Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

One Liner

Visible to anyone in the world

I hardly thought about my arteries. That is, until my drains got blocked.

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Cheesy Comparison

Visible to anyone in the world

Gouda

Is louda.

But Feta

Better.

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Pronoun confusion

Visible to anyone in the world

If I were you

And you were me

Would ye be mou

And me be thee?


Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

A Poem for this Starry Night

Visible to anyone in the world
This starry night,
Walking light
And barefoot home, through
The grass.


The dew,
Embraces me too,
As I pass.

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Memory Haiku

Visible to anyone in the world

And what would it to be like.

To have no memory?

Alway Spring, or

Always Winter.

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Celestial Response

Visible to anyone in the world
From: Celestial Bureaucracy (Mortals)

To: All Mortal Supplicants

Subject: Excessive workload

A recent flood of supplications is placing our staff under stress. I am sure you will understand if I ask you to send future complaints directly to my mailbox, monkey@rainbow.bridge

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Ruthless Rhyme

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 31 Mar 2016, 22:18
When Billy died in frightful pain,
We vowed to never visit there again.
As Father said, "Their hygiene's flawed."
"But all the same, he was insured."
Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Dinosaurance

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 31 Mar 2016, 02:13

Trust me. I sell asteroid insurance. It's good so far. Very few claims.

Permalink
Share post
Richard Walker

Tom Aukley

Visible to anyone in the world

"Sorry to interrupt but if you crane your necks to the right you'll see some magnificent seabirds", said Tom awkwardly.


Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Two Liner

Visible to anyone in the world

I always thought a couplet was a small cup.

Apparently I messed up.

Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

Spring Haiku

Visible to anyone in the world

Brolly inside-out. Shoes leaking.

Such wind and rain!

But it's Spring, I like it.


Permalink Add your comment
Share post
Richard Walker

One Liner

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 27 Mar 2016, 20:20

I used to read a lot about geese. In the end it got me down.

Permalink Add your comment
Share post

This blog might contain posts that are only visible to logged-in users, or where only logged-in users can comment. If you have an account on the system, please log in for full access.

Total visits to this blog: 2062187