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Richard Walker

One Liner

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I've lived my whole life next to a meadow and I expect I'll die there too. He who lives by the sward shall die by the sward.

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Richard Walker

Tongue Twister

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I love spontaneous tongue twisters. Tonight someone said

"The blue bin men haven't been."



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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 29 Aug 2016, 22:44

My bungalow designs are never perfect. Sadly they always have a floor in them.

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Richard Walker

Bon Mot

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Some drunken peasants swore they'd sell me a vineyard. I saw at once it was a windup.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 28 Aug 2016, 21:53

How many jokes do I make about hot weather? A few to start with.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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People don't take to the streets over just a couple of grievances. Two wrongs don't make a riot.

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Richard Walker

For Your Eyes

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I opened my eyes and saw your eyes.
It was like the first taste of pineapple.
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Richard Walker

One Liner

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I felt I was being stitched up. I went through a really bad patch.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Did you know most coal is around 300 million years old? There's no fuel like an old fuel.

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Richard Walker

Dream Haiku

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I dressed myself up specially for you.

But neither of us existed.

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Richard Walker

Kōan

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A pupil asked "Why do you teach?"

"Because I have no other way to understand."

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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One of my astronomy students was the best in her year. Star pupil.

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Richard Walker

Storm Haiku

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The tiny hairs on my arms stood up.
A few drops fell.
Storm warning!

(I was astonished to find that in an electric field the hairs on my exposed forearms did actually stand up.)
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Richard Walker

The Garden - A User's Manual, with Hedging

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Edited by Richard Walker, Wednesday, 24 Aug 2016, 01:20

We hope you enjoy this garden (Heretounder referred to as 'The Garden'). Its mode of utilisation should be self-explanatory.

Update # 1

Owing to an unforeseeable mis-creation glitch we strongly non-advocate the ingestion of particular globular pomacious fruit-types that may be conducive to somatic embarrassment and conclude in potentially sub-optimal long-term heritage outcomes.

Update # 2 and Security Alert # 1

It has been brought to our (omnipresent) attention that a formerly senior advisor we were forced to demote from his former position following a management reshuffle has resorted to exploiting his recently established down-hierarchy status to promulgate misleading contrary guidance respecting the fruit referred to hereabove in Update # 1.

Garden residents should be advised that this advice is unsanctioned. It may invalidate The Garden warrant and lead to summary eviction from The Garden. Transgressors will be deemed to be in violation of the terms of tenancy and therefore lack any substantive grounds of complaint or redress, legal or otherwise.

The Garden Team wish all Residents a Happy Stay.

To receive regular upgrades and security updates automatically, please click the button below.

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Richard Walker

Modegreen (Mondebeach?)

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Based on a conversation I heard tonight, initiated by a comment on the song 'I do like to be beside the seaside'.

The speaker said "It's a bouncy air".

The 1st listener heard it as: It's about sea air."

The 2rd listener heard it as: "It abounds, sea air."

The 3rd listener (an Apple geek) heard it as: "It's about Sierra."

The 4th listener (from near the Caspian) heard it as: "It's a bound sea area."

The 5th listener (a Biblical scholar) heard its as: "It's about Ceasarea."

The 6th listener (a Scouter) heard it as: "It's a Brownsea area"

The 7th listener (whose first language was French) interpreted it as "Concerning clean air."

The 8th listener (a Bach lover) said "The original key was G".

The 9th listener took it to mean the Med.

(Number 10th was away. Listening to the brass band.)






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Richard Walker

Creatures Both

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Dear fly,

To leave me alone

Would be a good deed.


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Richard Walker

The Unnamed Planet

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 21 Aug 2016, 21:49

"Wake up and pay attention"

The teacher said.

(Not aware of my

Alternative planet.)


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Richard Walker

They Cannot Look Back

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Mother and father,

Your voices are faint

I think I am lost to you.


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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 21 Aug 2016, 16:46

If you have, like... a poor calculus teacher. Then that's gonna trigger a maths exodus.

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Richard Walker

The small bang

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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 19 Aug 2016, 23:27
phut
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Richard Walker

Another From the Elf Apprentice

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Q. In what way are bees honest?

A. They put their honey where their house is.

We gave this seven point hive.

Permalink 1 comment (latest comment by Richard Walker, Friday, 19 Aug 2016, 22:46)
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Richard Walker

One Liner

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It's tough being a stand up comedian. You can't afford to fall down on the job.

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Richard Walker

Tom Swifty

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"What makes you think I eat songbirds?", asked Tom cagily.

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Richard Walker

New blog post

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Damned fly.

You stopped me.

"I also live".

That's what you said.

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Richard Walker

Happiness in Your Backyard

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Until some months ago I thought measuring happiness was a crazy idea. 

By chance I read this article and saw I'd been wrong. Dead wrong.






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