I've lived my whole life next to a meadow and I expect I'll die there too. He who lives by the sward shall die by the sward.
Personal Blogs
I love spontaneous tongue twisters. Tonight someone said
"The blue bin men haven't been."
My bungalow designs are never perfect. Sadly they always have a floor in them.
Some drunken peasants swore they'd sell me a vineyard. I saw at once it was a windup.
How many jokes do I make about hot weather? A few to start with.
People don't take to the streets over just a couple of grievances. Two wrongs don't make a riot.
It was like the first taste of pineapple.
I felt I was being stitched up. I went through a really bad patch.
Did you know most coal is around 300 million years old? There's no fuel like an old fuel.
I dressed myself up specially for you.
But neither of us existed.
A pupil asked "Why do you teach?"
"Because I have no other way to understand."
One of my astronomy students was the best in her year. Star pupil.
A few drops fell.
Storm warning!
(I was astonished to find that in an electric field the hairs on my exposed forearms did actually stand up.)
We hope you enjoy this garden (Heretounder referred to as 'The Garden'). Its mode of utilisation should be self-explanatory.
Update # 1
Owing to an unforeseeable mis-creation glitch we strongly non-advocate the ingestion of particular globular pomacious fruit-types that may be conducive to somatic embarrassment and conclude in potentially sub-optimal long-term heritage outcomes.
Update # 2 and Security Alert # 1
It has been brought to our (omnipresent) attention that a formerly senior advisor we were forced to demote from his former position following a management reshuffle has resorted to exploiting his recently established down-hierarchy status to promulgate misleading contrary guidance respecting the fruit referred to hereabove in Update # 1.
Garden residents should be advised that this advice is unsanctioned. It may invalidate The Garden warrant and lead to summary eviction from The Garden. Transgressors will be deemed to be in violation of the terms of tenancy and therefore lack any substantive grounds of complaint or redress, legal or otherwise.
The Garden Team wish all Residents a Happy Stay.
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Based on a conversation I heard tonight, initiated by a comment on the song 'I do like to be beside the seaside'.
The speaker said "It's a bouncy air".
The 1st listener heard it as: It's about sea air."
The 2rd listener heard it as: "It abounds, sea air."
The 3rd listener (an Apple geek) heard it as: "It's about Sierra."
The 4th listener (from near the Caspian) heard it as: "It's a bound sea area."
The 5th listener (a Biblical scholar) heard its as: "It's about Ceasarea."
The 6th listener (a Scouter) heard it as: "It's a Brownsea area"
The 7th listener (whose first language was French) interpreted it as "Concerning clean air."
The 8th listener (a Bach lover) said "The original key was G".
The 9th listener took it to mean the Med.
(Number 10th was away. Listening to the brass band.)
Dear fly,
To leave me alone
Would be a good deed.
"Wake up and pay attention"
The teacher said.
(Not aware of my
Alternative planet.)
Mother and father,
Your voices are faint
I think I am lost to you.
If you have, like... a poor calculus teacher. Then that's gonna trigger a maths exodus.
Q. In what way are bees honest?
A. They put their honey where their house is.
We gave this seven point hive.
It's tough being a stand up comedian. You can't afford to fall down on the job.
"What makes you think I eat songbirds?", asked Tom cagily.
Damned fly.
You stopped me.
"I also live".
That's what you said.
Until some months ago I thought measuring happiness was a crazy idea.
By chance I read this article and saw I'd been wrong. Dead wrong.
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