Personal Blogs

One day Big Lemming called an assembly.

"It is time", said Big Lemming, "For us to cast ourselves into the Ocean. Such is the destiny of Lemmings."

But one young lemming, called Lemuel (Lemmy for short) asked "Why?"

A gasp of horror ran round the burrow. The hair of all the mature lemmings stood on end.

"Well... well because!", spluttered Big Lemming. "It's what lemmings do."

"Why?" said Lemmy. "Silly old tradition if you ask me."

His mum, his dad, his gran and every one in his kinship circle said: "If you don't don't know why, we aren't going to tell you!" They were weak on argumentation.

But Lemmy simply said: "Phooey! Chuck yourself into the silly old sea. I'm staying right here on the clifftop."

And so he did. All the others flung themselves into the sea and perished, but Lemmy survived.

Unfortunately he soon began to miss his fellow lemmings and wondered if he had failed to reach out them. Broken by remorse, he threw himself off the cliff.

MORAL

Traditions are only a social construct, but they get most of us in the end.

Both in and out at the same time. Only the collapse of the political wave function will decide which.

The tiny country of Sweetieland was rocked tonight as the Allsorts party wrested power from the Toffs. Although the election was close, observers said the Allsorts victory was "in the bag".

A spokesperson for the Allsorts declared people had been fed up with humbug and fudge.

This has always been one of my favorite poems, and I have never understood those who wanted to throw up walls.

No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend's
Or of thine own were:
Any man's death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.

I used to have a newspaper column. But eventually it fell over.

Swifts

So sorry I was late and missed you

This Summer's night.

I'm planning a trip to Honfleur and remembered with delight that it is the birthplace of Alphonse Allais, noted French humorist. He was the first recorded person to compose a piece of music consisting only of silence. I'd like to dedicate to M. Allais my new book, "A History of Evidence-Based Politics", a complimentary copy of which readers of this blog will find attached.

I'm frightened of crossing the rainbow bridge.

Will someone help me down

On the other side?

I can't help laughing at my attempts to cook pancakes. They end up all over the kitchen. It's my natural flippancy.

All the kids loved their mums. Except for Trude.

Well, dogs need food.

All the kids respected their ancestors. Except for Josh.

He felt his pets deserved some nosh.

All the kids loved their grans. Except for Joe.

He didn't want the police to know.

Don't go, said the crow

Stay, said the jay

Don't rush, said the thrush

Don't die, said the pie

Starting when, said the wren

Out of luck, said the duck

Gone. said the swan.

Giuseppe Verdi,

Was a big scaredy.

He only wrote Aida,

Because he saw a spaida.