Thomas Moore wrote
I never nurs'd a dear gazelle,
To glad me with its soft black eye,
But when it came to know me well
And love me, it was sure to die.
In a related vein, here are some other animals that have joined the choir unseen.
I had a guinea pig: but its tale was short.
I had a mule: but it kicked the bucket.
I had a frog: but it croaked.
I had a a flatfish: but it's gone to a better place.
I had a chicken: but it crossed to the other side.
In the kitchen liquor kicks in quite quickly, hic!
"With the very deepest respects, Madam", said Tom glutinously, "We consider our glue adheres to the advertisement on the label."
Q. How do you keep ice out of the garden?
A. With ice skates!
“I'm afraid I don't care for Earl Grey”, Tom said daintily.
In one of my many previous lives I was a fascia in a luxury automobile. I know it seems incredible that car parts can have souls, but it's true all the same. There I was, beautifully veneered, but time passed slowly. The car was not often used, and I felt as though I might as well not be there.
Eventually I could stand it no longer. "Excuse me", I said to the chauffeur, "But frankly I'm a dash bored."
foliage = time of life at which one might commit indiscretions (q.v. salad days)
leaf = depart (as in 'Leaf the pollen stamen')
palmate leaf = say goodbye to two friends
pistil = intoxicated and poorly
pollen = voting
pollenate = dislike of voting (see pollen)
root = repent of something (as in 'I root the day')
sepal = spot friend
soil = it's a lubricant
spore = it's not very good
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I think the fowl misjudged.
For down the road there rolled a truck
That left that chicked smudged.
What is the difference between
A recent epoch in which glaciers covered most of northern Europe
and
The sunglasses I purchased most recently?
(Scroll down for answer.)
The first is the last ice age, the second is the last eye shades.
The immortal Harry Graham, author of 'Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes', once penned this perfect gem of a humorous verse, which I repeat from memory.
I ran down a brace of trippers,
in my new de Dion Bouton.
Squashed them out, as flat as kippers,
Left them aussi mort que mouton.
What a nuisance trippers are!
Now I must repaint the car.
I was in this quiz, where they asked what fruits are related to other fruits.
Naturally I felt pretty confident, and I got through most of the pairings, correctly identifying Apples=Pears, Pomelos=Grapefruit, Loganberries=Blackberries and so on and so forth.
Sadly I slipped up on the last question. Apparently the plantain is a banana's kin.
Took out a big loan to buy a set of posh tableware. Same old "willow" pattern.
Enclosed within ourselves we must
Gaze up at autumn, crimson sunset of all years
How warm it would be, could we just
Enclose it in our beating hearts.
Tonight we had a heavy
Fall of slow.
Luckily I keep a slow-plow
For moving slow away quickly.
A friend said that last autumn in Munich he drank 15 litres a night. I think he's a bier fest liar.
I was chatting to the village cobbler. He's getting on a bit, but still sprightly, and not about to retire. As he put it, “So long as I have my Elf, I shall keep a-goin.”
I bought some violet gin. It sure packs a punch.
I tried growing an onion in my cellar. It was just a shallot in the dark.
I've been to a pepper plantation and I’ve been to a salt mine. I'm what you call a seasoned traveller.
Yesterday, President Dub of Rub announced plans to retaliate against the Solar System's adverse balance of light with Alpha Centauri.
The President said, “Allowing our Sun to simply shine on other star systems is something I was elected to put a firm stop to. I am therefore having a mirror built round the entire Solar System, to send back any photons who attempt to escape.”
No astronomers were available for comment last night.
Out on the town with some sardines. Well, we just got canned! Some chickens joined us, and we were all roasted! Finally we met som onionsome somws by then we wer pivkled
I'm a manual worker. I write manuals.
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