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Personal Blogs
My friend has a thing about barbershops. As soon as he gets in one he's really rude and quickly becomes downright abusive. As a consequence he's gradually been barred from one barber's after another, leaving fewer and fewer for him within reasonable travelling distance.
Eventually it came down to just one. When he went there and asked if they would cut his hair, his reputation must have preceded him. The manager came out and said "We can cut your, but only on condition you treat all our staff with courtesy. Any impolite remark and you're out, and no barber within a fifty mile radius will ever trim your hair again. This is the last chance salon."
Shakespeare used to come to my local. But he was barred.
As Mother always used to say, don’t eat with your mouthful.
Floating in the pond
Fallen plum blossoms
And the moon
Have I told you this before?
It was a joke about time travel.
But you didn't laugh.
I went to the Doctor, I said, I keep imagining I’m biscuits people have with cheese. He said, you’re crackers.
Here is a classic puzzle. I don't know its origin for sure, but I think Martin Gardiner might have published it in his long-standing Scientific American column.
I have three bags and I know one contains apples, one contains pears, and the third both apples and pears.
Each bag is labelled to say what its contents are but unfortunately the labels have got swapped round so all three are wrong.
I am allowed to choose one bag and take out a single fruit. I want to work out what the correct labelling of all the bags should be. How can I do it?
I can’t get rid of
Junk that whispers “One day”
You’ll need me again”
After my success as a refrigerator rater I was appointed to evaluate the performance of more junior refrigerator raters, and thus became a refrigerator rater rater.
I’ve recently got a job rating refrigerators. That makes me a refrigerator rater.
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I was pleased to see this morning that my lungwort is blooming. I only acquired it last summer and didn't know that it is an early flowering plant.
Lunwort, of which many species exist, has the Latin name pulmonaria and gets both names from the fact that it was traditionally supposed to be good for lung complaints.
The basis of this idea was the doctrine of signatures (see https://learn1.open.ac.uk/mod/oublog/viewpost.php?post=161437 for more on this), which held that for any given disease providence has supplied a natural remedy which can be recognised by its resemblance to an organ affected by the disease. The spotted leaves of lungwort look like a diseased lung, hence the belief that it is good for lung complaints.
Everyone thinks they know about stuff
But I don’t think they know enough
These jonquils are out early!
What do runners have for breakfast? Joghurt!
You might like this story about polar bears occupying an abandoned meteorological station
My brother Simon photographed these attractive little birds. Lapwings used to be much commoner. In England numbers have declined by 80% since 1960.
The bird is also known as the Green Plover, or Peewit from its plaintive cry. These birds nest on the ground, and the name Lapwing seems to come from the bird attracting potential predators away from its nest by dragging its wing to appear an easy target.
I went on a vintage train excursion with an all-day breakfast thrown in. The Frying Scotsman.
Would Pa eat yeast extract? No, but Ma might.
I once had a pet newt who I taught to do things like sit, beg, stay and so on. He really was amazing. Sadly he died eventually and I looked around for another amphibian companion. All I was able to find was a frog, who never showed any warmth towards me and never really learned anything that his predecessor had been able to do. I guess this just shows: you can’t teach a cold frog newt tricks.
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