Personal Blogs
One liner
Thursday, 18 June 2020, 00:38
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My new detective agency never lets go. We’re called Superclue.
On The Phone
Wednesday, 17 June 2020, 04:48
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I turned up at some pottery classes
And found them all reciting vases.
A slip of the ears
It appears.
Out on the range
Tuesday, 16 June 2020, 23:23
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Q. What would a mathematical cowboy do with 0.5 of a steer?
A. Round it up.
What is special about these English words?
Tuesday, 16 June 2020, 18:40
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I found these English words by computer search using a small program I wrote. What is unusual about them?
Abroad
Breach
Please
Spending
Stable
Stone
Strain
Social distancing in a bygone age
Monday, 15 June 2020, 09:38
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Nursery Rhyme
Monday, 15 June 2020, 03:06
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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 15 June 2020, 03:07
Here’s a little puzzle, that no-one can find out,
Whether every little swing has a little roundabout.
Temps Perdu
Monday, 15 June 2020, 00:16
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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 15 June 2020, 00:17
Many years ago an aged relative passed away, and for some reason I inherited her ear trumpet. I've always treasured it, as a relic from a past era.
My baby steps out of lockdown
Sunday, 14 June 2020, 23:59
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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 15 June 2020, 00:00
I've been sheltering for 12 weeks, because I am quite vulnerable.
Today I went out, at last. Infection in my locaility is down to the level just before the lockdown. So I decided that, given the good weather, it would be safe to emerge blinking into the sunlight. It could be "Now or never", with "Now" being the better option.
Here is a record of the exploration* I made on my mobility scooter.
* "X" marks a spot where a car pulled up on the other side of the road and the driver wound down the window and said "Dr Walker, I presume." Well not exactly that, it was someone I knew, who said "How are you?" but roughly similar.
Immunity
Saturday, 13 June 2020, 22:30
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My herd of Wildebeest are restless, but I keep promising them it's not long until the Gnu normal...
One Liner
Saturday, 13 June 2020, 21:48
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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 13 June 2020, 21:49
Brexit. Was it just a Brussels rout?
From Twitter : Weighing up the risks
Friday, 12 June 2020, 00:06
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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 12 June 2020, 00:06
Seen on Twitter
“There were two birds”
Wednesday, 10 June 2020, 23:43
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Amphibian advice
Wednesday, 10 June 2020, 03:44
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If I was or were a Toad
I wouldn’t cross the road.
I wouldn’t get frisky.
Too risky.
Tim buys a mask
Wednesday, 10 June 2020, 01:46
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My reply to P.
Tuesday, 9 June 2020, 02:50
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Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 9 June 2020, 22:25
can u be more definite?
If you don't ask, you don't get
Tuesday, 9 June 2020, 00:23
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Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 9 June 2020, 00:23
I asked my plumber for a quotation.
Guess what I got back. "To be or not to be".
The Appliance of Science
Monday, 8 June 2020, 23:56
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Apparently even sheep farming is being taken over by technology.
Rather than keeping watch in the traditional way, farmers can now monitor their flocks from drones, and get real time updates from a new app, available for iPhone and Android. It's called ShepherdsSpy.
Quideeze
Monday, 8 June 2020, 02:41
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Why ever do people writing books of quizzes, and compose quizzes, and other such stuff, write such sloppy questions? I wouldn't keep my job unless I was more precise.
For example
"Can you think of three nouns that become singular when 's' is added?"
My answer: No.
So full marks I guess.
Mondegreens, and one for our times
Monday, 8 June 2020, 01:09
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Yesterday I saw a joke: One ant says to another ant, "Dad, why don't we get coronavirus?" The reply, "Because we have anty bodies Son."
This set me musing on Auntie Bodice and the like. Combinations of words that sound like another phrase, and so are often misheard, are called Modegreens. A great example is Bob Dylan's famous song, "The ants are my friends, is blowin' in the wind". I also like Demond Dekker, "Oh Oh Oh Oh, my ears are alight".
Then this mondegreen popped into my head:
"So shall dissed aunts sing?"
You can sort of imagine a small choir of disaffected aunts debating practicing or not (I'd advise not but that's another story).
So was I first with this Modegreen? When I Googled it (I always do due diligence), I stumbled on an entire book that is nothing but Modegreens. Modegreens all the way through (or the waif rue).
The book is Utter Nonsense, by Clive Burke. Let me give you a couple of examples.These are Furry Tails.
Ghoul de Luxe endth repairs
Wants a porno thyme, dare were tree pears. ...
Racks tore ritches
There one's war sick hurl, cold Cindy Roller. Shoes fairy prat tea. ...
The book is actually a bit more zany than this. My paperback copy is on its way, no Kindle edition sadly.
C'est l'amour d'un Fromager pour une Fromagère
Sunday, 7 June 2020, 03:29
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Je sais que c'est ringard
Mais je viens de penser que
Je t'aime juste le petit lait que tu es.
I know it's cheesy
But it's just occurred to me that
I love you just the whey you are.
Travelling Salesman Problem
Sunday, 7 June 2020, 01:48
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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 7 June 2020, 01:58
I was reminded of this today by a friend and colleague. The TSP problem asks how to calculate the shortest round trip between a set of cities, given the respective distances between them.
Simply comparing all the possible routes one after another will obviously work, but with even a few cities, and the fastest computer in existence, it could take thousands or millions or more years. So is there a way to solve it in a feasible length of time?
The TSP attracts a lot of attention, because it’s easily stated and most people have a gut feeling there should be a lightbulb intuition that will show the way. However decades of professional and amateur endeavour have not succeeded. We have good ways to calculate it well enough for delivery services say, but no way of finding the absolute optimum until the customer is long dead. Amazon and Google and others use algorithms which are good enough, and they are good enough; shaving 100 metres off a delivery trip will avail nought if there is a parked car en route.
So it’s a theoretical question, but to my mind they are the ones that we learn most from.
Let XKCD have the last word. This is the approach that will probably work best in this year of crisis, and perhaps at all times.
No X in Y
Friday, 5 June 2020, 01:15
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There’s a joke meme that runs, “There’s no X in Y”.
For example: “There’s no L in denial” and slightly off-colour, “There’s no P in bath”.
And in fact no X in why.
In this vein I offer, “There’s no As in bright blue skies”.
Any more suggestions? Please post in Comments.
Quarantine
Friday, 5 June 2020, 00:23
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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 20 June 2020, 23:33
I'm so glad dockers are exempt from quarantine rules. The're quay workers, after all.
Quotation
Thursday, 4 June 2020, 02:02
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Somebody, I don’t recall who, said “The path of honour is often insane, but it is always honourable.”
I think that kind of makes sense.
Out Of Tune
Wednesday, 3 June 2020, 22:03
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Edited by Richard Walker, Wednesday, 3 June 2020, 22:04
Don't understand why piano tuners aren't available.They're key workers after all.
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