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Having another crack at this assignment, only two days left to complete it in, and I feel like I am getting nowhere, my head is just going round and round in an unhappy loop of constant misery. I just cannot seem to get anything done at the moment. I will persevere though. Once this assignment is done I will then concentrate on tidying this place up a bit as I have been neglecting it of late and the mess is getting me down. 

My mind is in so much pain just now, sometimes I wish there was some way to switch my emotions off, but then if I did, I would just be like a robot or a zombie and what is the point in living if you don't feel anything, you might as well be dead, it is the emotions that create art, that appreciate the beautiful, that feel compassion and empathy, that colour our existence. There are times when I do feel nothing, where I become a cold apathetic spineless sludge of unfeeling, but it is not a satisfactory experience living like that, it is empty and doesn't feel like relief. So being emotionless isn't a solution; we need our emotions, I just wish mine would shut up sometimes and stop torturing me.


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Insubstantial

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Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Saturday, 11 Dec 2021, 20:07

Walking in the rain
heart twisting pain
No more beat within
Is that the price of sin?
Ah but there is no soul
It doesn't exist
Just a changing process
That never stays still 
From one moment to the next
Who are you?


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New blog post

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Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Wednesday, 27 Oct 2021, 15:43


Leaves leave shadows  

through dusty stained glass

musical rhythms make the

static shadows dance.

Mind and outer

a unified flow

timeless

empty 

I don't

know.


Permalink 1 comment (latest comment by Gill Burrell, Friday, 8 Oct 2021, 07:10)
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Backwards and forwards

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Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Tuesday, 28 Sep 2021, 01:58

Backwards and forwards and backwards again, 

Feel like I am going round and round in circles,

Starlight glistening around the edges of despair,

Stomach a writhing mass of twisted hissing knots,

I feel alone, broken and utterly bereft.

Buddha I need your help,

I can't see a way through, 

I am lost in the jungle,

Can't meditate, can't study, can't work, can't sleep, can't eat,

Not a feeling of metta in sight,

Just a feeling of hopelessness and doubt,

The spiritual path suddenly feels so empty,

And like asking the impossible, I just can't do it,

I don't know what is happening to me,

I want to be free of this .
I can't bare it anymore.
I am knocking at the door.

Is nibanna real? Why is it so hard to find?
I just long for some peace of mind.
To never feel like this again.




Permalink 2 comments (latest comment by Richie Cuthbertson, Monday, 21 Mar 2022, 20:52)
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