What jokes can you tell over the internet? Onliners.
Personal Blogs
Isohyet
A line on a climate map, connecting points of equal rainfall.
Alpha leather
Beta drum
Gamma long way
Delta lousy hand
Epsilon way to Tipperary
Zeta party of six
Eta hearty meal
Theta it
Iota load of money
Kappa civil tongue in your head
Lambda baby sheep
Mu like a cat
Nu are Wildebeest
Xi sickness
Omicron!
Pi for now
Rho your boat
Sigma Freud
Tau the line
Upsilon Dion
Phi on you
Chi to the door
Psi of relief
Omega!
Three men walked into a bar. The fourth was in a wheelchair.
"When you've seen one plank, you've seen them all", said Tom with a bored expression.
My cousin Connor believes the world is run by pirates. Behind his back we call this âConâs piracy theoryâ.
"Let Us Now Praise Famous Men" is a choral work by Ralph Vaughan Williams. I was listening to it tonight, and thought how the words have always moved me, particularly the last four lines.
Let us now praise famous men,
And our Fathers that begat us.
Such as did bear rule in their kingdoms,
Men renowned for their power.
Leaders of the people
By their counsels and by their knowledge.
Such as found out musical tunes,
And recited verses in writing:
All these were honoured in their generations,
And were the glory of their times.
And some there be which have no memorial;
Who are perished, as though they had never been.
Their bodies are buried in peace;
But their name liveth for ever more.
The text is adapted from Ecclesiasticus 44. Ecclesiasticus is in a section of the Bible (the
Apocrypha = Greek From hidden) between the Old and New Testaments, and not always considered as worthy of inclusion, although the balance of opinion across time and place has felt it deserves its place, and I concur.
Finally I though you might like to see the passage (as it was originally) in the first printing of the King James Bible. The image is from https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Ecclesiasticus-Chapter-44_Original-1611-KJV/
Socrates. Was he just trying to Confucius?
My dog Arnold has always been a fast learner. So I thought Iâd see if he could be trained to swim underwater. Sadly, it seems you canât teach Arnold dog newt tricks.
ĺ? (7, 8)
Grandad worked in a circus as a lion tamer but it was such a small outfit they could only support a single lion. Other lion tamers laughed at him, and he became a one-lion joke.
Thanks for the heads up garden birds
I get it
Springâs coming.
pococurantism
Not giving a fig.
As defined by the OED:Â indifference, carelessness, nonchalance.
Another puzzle I found on John Baez's blog. It seems to have been discovered and published only as recently as 2011. Baez's post gives a reference.
Two touching semi-circles, aligned as shown, are inscribed in a circle.
You might think you need more information, such as the relative sizes of the semi-circles perhaps. But in fact it doesn't make any difference.
I will post my solution on 6 March.
Here is the solution I can up with.
Langeleik
An old Norwegian stringed musical instrument, resembling the zither according to the OED.Â
âZitherâ is interesting itself; it derives from Ancient Greek âKitheraâ, the origin also of âguitarâ and the older âcitternâ, and possibly also related to âsitarâ. The latter is from Persian but may be from a common root.
Tea and Eternity
Two things to talk
About forever.
Can you identify a hard white crumbly Welsh cheese? Think carefully.
This is from the "Azimuth" website of John Carlos Baez, a mathematician and physics professor at the University of California. He found it at Brian McCartin, Mysteries of the equilateral triangle.
Here is a sketch of the problem. My solution to follow in the Comments on 4 March.
Incidentally John Baez is the cousin of Joan Baez, a progressive and a famous folksinger. Her father, John's uncle, was a con-inventor of the electron microscope.
I've just learned of Jules de Corte, who was a blind Dutch singer and song writer. He wrote hundreds of songs and had an extensive performance and recording career. His songs seems to touch on the business of being human. I listened to his most famous song Ik zou wel eens willen weten, 'I would like to know'. Here is the first verse (courtesy of https://www.dutchsongs.overtuin.net/translation-50-corte-ik-zou.html)
I would like to know the reason
Why mountains rise high in the sky
Perhaps to collect all the snow fall
Or to shield the deep valley from cold air
Or perhaps they are pillars that carry the heaven's arch
That's the reason mountains are high
Ik zou weleens willen weten
Waarom zijn de bergen zo hoog
Misschien om de sneeuw te vergaren
Of het dal voor de kou te bewaren
Of misschien als een veilige stut voor de hemelboog
Daarom zijn de bergen zo hoog
Vampires. Theyâre a pain in the neck.
I told the doctor, I keep thinking Iâm a rubber band.
But he just said I should âSnap out of itâ.
![](https://learn1.open.ac.uk/mod/oublog/pluginfile.php/15/mod_oublog/message/236344/purple-sun-question.jpg)
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