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Richard Walker

I went to the doctor

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I went to the doctor, "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a clove hitch. Then a bowline. Clove hitch, bowline, over and over. It's driving me round the bend." The doctor said "You're too knotted up."

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Richard Walker

Crossword Clue

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Era motif? (4, 3, 1, 6)

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Richard Walker

Einstein's Letter

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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 23 Jun 2017, 23:42

Christie's are selling a collection of letters written by Albert Einstein to his lifelong friend Michele Besso. The last letter of the series, written to Besso's family after his death, contains a famous quotation.

Now he has again preceded me a little in parting from this strange world. This has no importance. For people like us who believe in physics, the separation between past, present and future has only the importance of an admittedly tenacious illusion.

You can see the letter here.

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Richard Walker

Unhand Me Sir!

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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 23 Jun 2017, 01:21

"γ little closer m'dear", he suggested, twirling his moustaches.

She ν what he was after,

So she δ swift blow to his lascivious hopes.

"φ upon you Sir!", she cried

And β hasty retreat.

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Richard Walker

Limerick

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 22 Jun 2017, 22:42

I don't know where I read this

There was an old curate of Kew
Who kept a tom cat in his pew.
He taught it to speak
Alphabetical Greek
But it never got further than μ.

Here is my modest effort in the same waggish spirit.

There was an old man of Clontarf
Who kept a small dog in his bath.
He saw some attractions
In teaching it fractions,
But it never got further than ½.

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Richard Walker

Mondegreen

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Voice and curls amount to play.

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Richard Walker

Game

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Walkie round the garden

Like a teddy bear.

One step wrong

You'll both be out of here.

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Richard Walker

The Many Voices of Swifty, T.

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 22 Jun 2017, 01:58

"We always dress for dinner", said Tom in a tired voice.

"I'm not afraid of Chinese porcelain", said Tom in a booming voice.

"It regulates the water level", said Tom in a weary voice.

"I lost a packet at the races today" said Tom in a hoarse voice.

"It's not as simple as that", said Tom with a catch in his voice.


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Richard Walker

Today

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On xii kalendas Iulius byð sunstede, þæt ys on Lyden solstitium and on Englisc midsumor

This was written by Byrhtferth, ca.1000 AD, who lived at Ramsey Abbey in Cambridgeshire, not far from here, and was an Anglo-Saxon scientist. It's not too hard to get his gist. There's more fascinating lore about the Old English view of the year and the seasons here.

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Richard Walker

Phew

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Just tried some Absinthe. No wonder Lautrec was Toulouse.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Grandad always loved the theatre but he reckoned modern productions were rubbish. Now he's dead and I hope he's gone to better plays.

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Richard Walker

The Shepherd's Lament

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I've been Satyr for hours,

With not the slightest glimpse

Of Nymphs.


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Richard Walker

Yet Turning Stay

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When you turned yet stayed, on the steps of the bus,

Although we knew it was the end for us.

We meant it when we said, "Goodnight, goodnight".

"We'll keep in touch. I'll write."

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Richard Walker

Socrates Makes Himself Unpopular

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In the Apologia Socrates is made to say

"I went to one who had the reputation of wisdom, and observed him—his name I need not mention; he was a politician whom I selected for examination—and the result was as follows: When I began to talk with him, I could not help thinking that he was not really wise, although he was thought wise by many, and still wiser by himself; and thereupon I tried to explain to him that he thought himself wise, but was not really wise; and the consequence was that he hated me, and his enmity was shared by several who were present and heard me. So I left him, saying to myself, as I went away: Well, although I do not suppose that either of us knows anything really beautiful and good, I am better off than he is,—for he knows nothing, and thinks that he knows; I neither know nor think that I know. In this latter particular, then, I seem to have slightly the advantage of him."

I love this passage. The bit where Socrates says "I tried to explain to him that he thought himself wise, but was not really wise" suggests the philosopher was somewhat short on tact and diplomacy.

After this he went off and offended other groups, such as poets and artisans. He sums it up "This inquisition has led to my having many enemies".

Quotes from http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1656/1656-h/1656-h.htm


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Richard Walker

Puzzle

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This is a classic from Lewis Carroll. Suppose we are given that

  • Babies are illogical;
  • Nobody is despised who can manage a crocodile;
  • Illogical persons are despised.
What conclusion can we draw that uses all three of these premises?
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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Masochists. Do they get a kick out of it?

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Richard Walker

Clerihew

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When Belshazzar was having his nosh

Everything seemed very posh.

But it cast a bit of a pall

When he saw the writing on the wall.

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Richard Walker

Web site

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www.apologies.co.uk

It's a sorry site.

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Richard Walker

The Adventure of the Ruritanian Kettle

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 18 Jun 2017, 00:13

Holmes and Watson once took a short summer holiday in Ruritania. They were in self-catering and most surprised to find on the first night that there was no kettle, so they were denied a hot bedtime beverage.

Upon enquiring of the villagers the next morning they discovered that in Ruritania kettles can only be used by licensed persons, because of the dangers associated with boiling water. To obtain a licence one must visit one of the special offices the Ruritanian government have set up for the purpose.

Holmes was a bit reluctant at first, but Watson persuaded him they needed to visit the nearest of these offices. It turned out to be an exquisite little building in traditional Ruritanian style, with red roses and fragrant honeysuckle twining round the porch.

As they climbed the steps, the great detective exclaimed, "This is a pretty kettle office you've got us into, Watson."


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Richard Walker

The Doctor Said

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 18 Jun 2017, 01:02

when the doctor said its never easy thats not a promising sign but to be fair we were both sitting down at the

time

and at least i took it well


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Richard Walker

Beware of Satyrs

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These bee orchids flower each June on a road verge just a couple of hundred yards from my house.


I always understood bee orchids were pollinated by bees who were tricked into trying to mate with the flowers. Possibly that is how the mimicry evolved, but according to Wikipedia in northern Europe the plant is self-pollinating, although in Mediterranean regions there is a solitary bee that acts as a pollinator.

In Gerard's Herball Or Generall Historie of Plantes, 1597, it seems to be called the Humble Bee Satirion, and the flowers are said to resemble in shape "the great Bee called in English an Hornet or drone Bee". I didn't know before, but orchids were once called satyrions and thought to be consumed by satyrs, who were apparently inflamed by this diet.

Sadly in many parts of the world orchid roots are ground up to make a drink, salep, consumed by people rather than satyrs, and the demand for this beverage places some orchid species under threat.





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Richard Walker

An Opposite Bird in Amber

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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 17 Jun 2017, 13:07

I wrote before about the mysterious and romantic-sounding opposite birds, who lived alongside the ancestors of modern birds for millions of year but then died out 55 Mya with all the large dinosaurs.

A recent paper describes an exciting example of an opposite bird preserved in amber. It was only very young when it became trapped, but seems to have been quite well developed, in keeping with the idea that opposite birds, unlike modern ones, fended for themselves as soon as they hatched.

The detail below gives an idea of how well the fine structure of the animal has been preserved.


Lida Xing et al., doi: 10.1016/j.gr.2017.06.001

There is a good article here about the fossil and what it suggests about the opposite birds.


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Richard Walker

Epitaph

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Richard Walker

Bloomsday

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Today is Bloomsday, a world-wide literary festival held on the 16th June each year.

It commemorates James Joyce's novel Ulysses, the entire action of which takes place during a single day, the 16th June 1904.

In many parts of the world people dress in contemporary costume, hold readings, and enact scenes from the book, often walking along a route that imitates the one followed in the book by its main character Leopold Bloom.

This is the third year we have celebrated Bloomsday in our village. It is a small affair compared with the festivals held in places like Dublin and some cities in the US, but we are proud of it, and it is heartening to see that it has grown, and this year included events on the surrounding days as well as Bloomsday itself.

I have the honour to appear in the first event of the day. I don't have to say anything, or even move, just be in a tableau illustrating the book's opening pages. Somebody else does the reading:

STATELY, PLUMP BUCK MULLIGAN CAME FROM THE STAIRHEAD, bearing a bowl of
lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressinggown,
ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him by the mild morning air. He
held the bowl aloft and intoned:

– INTROIBO AD ALTARE DEI.

Halted, he peered down the dark winding stairs and called out coarsely:

– Come up, Kinch! Come up, you fearful jesuit!

My part is as Stephen Dedalus, who Mulligan calls 'Kinch' and who is a sort of avatar of Joyce himself.

The action takes place in a Martello tower near Dublin (the tower really exists and is now a James Joyce museum). Our local tower is just a piece of stage scenery in the best tradition, consisting of a painted sheet wrapped around a step ladder, but naturally it doesn't have to be a convincing representation of a real tower. It only has to suggest one and our imaginations take over and do the rest.

Solemnly he came forward and mounted the round gunrest. He faced about
and blessed gravely thrice the tower, the surrounding land and the
awaking mountains.





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Richard Walker

The Armed Man

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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 16 Jun 2017, 01:04
Soldiers marching past
Planes flying overhead
Brave warships anchored at the quay.

Might wring tears from your eyes.
Yet on this black earth
They are worthless
For only love matters.


My version of an anti-war poem by Sappho.

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