Personal Blogs
Why can Dalmatian dogs never hide? Because they’re always spotted!
My donkey ran away on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I thought, that’s three days on the trot.
See https://learn1.open.ac.uk/mod/oublog/viewpost.php?post=244360
Given all three labels are wrong, there are only two possible combinations.
1) Label A & P - contents A Label A - contents P Label P - contents A & P
2) Label A & P - contents P Label A - contents A & P Label P - contents A
If we take a fruit from A & P as we are permitted inspecting it will tell which of 1) and 2) is correct.
I wanted to join the snooker club. But there was a queue,
This wrod has been grabled.
If I add up a column of figures I always remember the answer. I’ve got total recall.
My friend has a thing about barbershops. As soon as he gets in one he's really rude and quickly becomes downright abusive. As a consequence he's gradually been barred from one barber's after another, leaving fewer and fewer for him within reasonable travelling distance.
Eventually it came down to just one. When he went there and asked if they would cut his hair, his reputation must have preceded him. The manager came out and said "We can cut your, but only on condition you treat all our staff with courtesy. Any impolite remark and you're out, and no barber within a fifty mile radius will ever trim your hair again. This is the last chance salon."
Shakespeare used to come to my local. But he was barred.
As Mother always used to say, don’t eat with your mouthful.
Floating in the pond
Fallen plum blossoms
And the moon
Have I told you this before?
It was a joke about time travel.
But you didn't laugh.
I went to the Doctor, I said, I keep imagining I’m biscuits people have with cheese. He said, you’re crackers.
Here is a classic puzzle. I don't know its origin for sure, but I think Martin Gardiner might have published it in his long-standing Scientific American column.
I have three bags and I know one contains apples, one contains pears, and the third both apples and pears.
Each bag is labelled to say what its contents are but unfortunately the labels have got swapped round so all three are wrong.
I am allowed to choose one bag and take out a single fruit. I want to work out what the correct labelling of all the bags should be. How can I do it?
“As Presiding Justice, I have counted the number of male persons on the jury, and it seems disproportionally high”, said Tom judgementally.
I can’t get rid of
Junk that whispers “One day”
You’ll need me again”
After my success as a refrigerator rater I was appointed to evaluate the performance of more junior refrigerator raters, and thus became a refrigerator rater rater.
I’ve recently got a job rating refrigerators. That makes me a refrigerator rater.
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
Clockwise from left: Rubbish, Slapstic, Banshi, Ruffian, Zombese.
I was pleased to see this morning that my lungwort is blooming. I only acquired it last summer and didn't know that it is an early flowering plant.
Lunwort, of which many species exist, has the Latin name pulmonaria and gets both names from the fact that it was traditionally supposed to be good for lung complaints.
The basis of this idea was the doctrine of signatures (see https://learn1.open.ac.uk/mod/oublog/viewpost.php?post=161437 for more on this), which held that for any given disease providence has supplied a natural remedy which can be recognised by its resemblance to an organ affected by the disease. The spotted leaves of lungwort look like a diseased lung, hence the belief that it is good for lung complaints.
Everyone thinks they know about stuff
But I don’t think they know enough
These jonquils are out early!
What do runners have for breakfast? Joghurt!
This blog might contain posts that are only visible to logged-in users, or where only logged-in users can comment. If you have an account on the system, please log in for full access.
Total visits to this blog: 2518316