It seems the underworld have an award for the most successful attempt to influence a jury. It’s known as the nobble prize.
I’ve been asked for a joke about German cheese. I’m on the Käse.
E was just an ordinary vowel really. Much like U and I.
What do you call it when a sheep is stopped for speeding?
A woolly pullover.
My vacuum cleaner should suck.
It doesn’t suck.
Therefore, it sucks.
Not many people know this but the US has a heavily-guarded facility where enormous quantities of string are stored. It’s called Fort Knots.
I let my wild thoughts
Carry me off through time and space
And a robin's sweet song fetch me back.
I wrote a program to search for words that contain only the letters abcdefg used as musical notes. I found 124 in the wordlist CROSSWD.TXT (courtesy of Moby Words II by Grady Ward). A bigger wordlist might find more. The 124 words appear below. What's the longest meaningful sentence you can find using only these words? If we can use proper names like 'Abe' we could have
Aged Abe deeded a faded cabbage bed.
Q. What do call a race between sea snails? A. The limpet games.
Until yesterday I had no idea that you can freeze soap bubbles. But you can.
There's a place in Co. Roscommon, Eire, called Scregg.
So I guess if a bunch of people from that town wandered about a bit, they'd be ambling screggs.
Please submit your bill as soon as convenient.
P.S. Have you read my latest article, There are no facts, only interpretations?
Your bill is as follows
Shirts 3 marks
Other items 2 marks
Total 5 marks
P.S. Very impressed by your article. We have reinterpreted your bill, which now stands at 500 marks.
Birds may seem free
For people it’s a delicate
Are they a kind of doughknot?
Birds don’t worry
I’ve bought you a new
I'm definitely against torture. Especially of me.
Bagel: Small breed of dog
Ciabatta: Did you negotiate a price?
Chapati: Did you celebrate?
Farmhouse: A celeb
Sourdough: This money belongs to us
Tin: Comes after naan
I watched a YouTube video by Steve Mould, in which he explained and demonstrated a type of structure called tensegrity. This was completely new to me and I found it fascinating. For example, here is a plant stand you can buy on Amazon
At first sight this seems impossible; how can the top magically levitate? Steve Mould explained it by starting with a 2-D version, something like this.
The black bars are rods and the red lines are wires. If you try to push the top down, the wire EF will be stretched and will pull the top part back up. If you try to push the top to the right, the wire AC will be stretched and will pull the top back into position. Similarly, if you try to push the top to the left, the wire BD will be stretched and will pull the top back into position.
The 3-D version in the plant stand follows the same principles. Although it has four radial wires it's still possible to build such structure with only three wires altogether and you can even buy a Lego-compatible version of this design.
I’ve just had some orzo, which for those who don’t know (I didn’t until this week) is a kind of tiny pasta shaped like grains of barley, which is what the word means in Italian.
I was curious about the origins of the word. It turns out it is from Latin hordeum and this from a root that means “bristly”, which an ear of barley famously is. The same root gives horrible, which originally meant “bristling”, urchin, and gorse.
Back to barley. This is from the same root as Latin farina “flour”, which is also the origin of farrago, a jumble of different grains all mixed together for animal feed. Also from barley we get “barn”, a grain store. It’s also found in place names such as Barton and Barley.
It is said a lecturer once told an audience “A double negative makes a positive. ‘I ain’t got nothing’ would mean the speaker has got something. But a double positive can never make a negative.”
From the rear of the room someone called out, “Yeh yeh”.
The stranger said “I am
From the same planet as you, and yet not the same planet.”
I found her words oddly comforting.
The speaker said, “Making an audience laugh is a cheap trick. Anyone can do it.”
From the floor a heckler cried, “Go orn. Do it then!”
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