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Richard Walker

Short one liner

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Finally got my toilet mended. Very relieved.

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Richard Walker

Groaner

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 9 July 2020, 00:09

At the fencing school I couldn’t get anyone to speak to me. They were all touché.

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Richard Walker

The secret life of numbers

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Edited by Richard Walker, Wednesday, 8 July 2020, 23:02

Why did 3 cross the road?

Because 4 was 22.

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Richard Walker

A word to avoid

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My advice in never use the word “comeuppance”, especially if you’re sitting on a termite hill.


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Richard Walker

Too easily possible

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Richard Walker

Impossible operation

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Richard Walker

One liner

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 6 July 2020, 00:54

I went to the pub last night. Just hope I don’t die to regret it.

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Richard Walker

Book Rating

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I’ve just finished reading Shipbuilding in the early 20th century. I’m not sure how I’d rate it for interest. Part of it was boring, but the rest was riveting.

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Richard Walker

Playground Rhyme

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 5 July 2020, 01:24

This skipping rhyme is quoted in Catharine Arnold's book

I had a little bird

Its name was Enza

I opened the window

And in flew Enza

Playground rhymes and games have been extensively studied and seem to be a good example of how something can evolve in a community without any individual being the author. I suppose we could think of them as crowd sourced

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Richard Walker

What I'm Reading

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Pandemic 1918, by Catherine Arnold.

First published in 2018 this eye-opening book tells the story of the Spanish Flu, as see by those alive at the time. Meticulously assembled from the testimony of those who lived, died, and tended others, set against the media and political response at the time. It's impossible not to be deeply moved, and impossible not to see parallels – and to wonder whether, if our current world leaders had read this book when it was published two years ago, we might be in a better place now.


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Richard Walker

Groaner

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As lockdown eases I can resume my meringue making classes. I’ll be very careful and not take any unnecessary whisks.

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Richard Walker

Road crossing motivation

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Why did the fox cross the road?

To get to the other chicken.

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Richard Walker

Knock-knock

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Knock-knock!

    Who's there?

Alfred.

   Who's Alfred?

Who's Alfred of the Big Bad Wolf!

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Richard Walker

Submarine Tough Spot

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Not everyone appreciates how smart fish can be. For instance flatfish - soles, plaice, flounders, and similar - are often highly intelligent. Astonishingly there are undersea crime gangs operated by these fishes.

Once, in a submarine investigation I had a sea cliff at my back, whilst in front was a flatfish I knew had been paid to kill me.

And as it happens I had just put my foot on some gluey seaweed. I thought: has my life come to this?

Stuck between a rock and a hired plaice.

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Richard Walker

Playground Joke

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Q. Why are Lady Beefeaters safe from Dinosaurs?
A. Because nothing can meet a Beefeater, defeat her, and eat her.


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Richard Walker

Perverted Commas and Heart of Darkness

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Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 30 June 2020, 17:06

James Joyce is said to have disliked inverted commas (AKA quotation marks); in Ulysses and elsewhere he avoided them in favour of the dash. He referred to perverted commas, although the quip seems to go back earlier [reference needed]. Here's a famous example

STATELY, PLUMP BUCK MULLIGAN CAME FROM THE STAIRHEAD, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressinggown, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him
by the mild morning air. He held the bowl aloft and intoned:

   —Introibo ad altare Dei.

   Halted, he peered down the dark winding stairs and called up coarsely:

   —Come up, Kinch! Come up, you fearful jesuit!

~WELL~...

I like quotation marks (a.k.a 'quotes', I think they are fun. You can nest them and that's the kind of stuff I like, it's the wordpuzzleist/programmer/mathematician/... in me. In the UK the nesting goes

""
"''"
"'""'"

In the US they start with the single quote*.

You can in principle nest as deep as you need or please, but it gets hard to construe after about three levels. Grammar books often have artificial examples such as

Jack said "Jill said, 'Never say, "Never say, 'Never'"'"

The deepest nesting I know where it arises naturally from the plot is from Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad (who  —they said,  —spoke in Polish, thought in French, and wrote in English, which was more or less correct). The narrator, Marlow, is describing what someone else said about someone else. Marlow says

“I was broad awake by this time [...] The fat man sighed. 'Very sad.' 'And the pestiferous absurdity of his talk,' continued the other; 'he bothered me enough when he was here. “Each station should be like a beacon on the road towards better things, a centre for trade of course, but also for humanizing, improving, instructing.” Conceive you—that ass! And he wants to be manager! No, it's—' Here he got choked by excessive indignation, and I lifted my head the least bit."

Colours help us follow the speakers

“I was broad awake by this time [...] The fat man sighed. 'Very sad.' 'And the pestiferous absurdity of his talk,' continued the other; 'he bothered me enough when he was here. “Each station should be like a beacon on the road towards better things, a centre for trade of course, but also for humanizing, improving, instructing.” Conceive you—that ass! And he wants to be manager! No, it's—' Here he got choked by excessive indignation, and I lifted my head the least bit."

I am pretty sure Conrad is using this as way of building up the atmosphere of the book, which is quite (and quote) deep. Heart of Darkness has many levels; the grammar echoes them.

* Why? I don't know either but the sparkling David Crystal explains somewhere in one of his books (I think).





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Richard Walker

Now We Know

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You might have noticed the controvesy around the PM's official jet and its new livery. Is the Union Jack on the tail upside down?

According to one newspaper

'... the Royal Air Force was quick to defend the paint job, with a source saying it was the correct way round.

They told the XXX: 'The design is correct in all respects and carefully follows the correct protocol for displaying the Union Flag on an aircraft.

'The convention is for the flag design to appear as though it is flying from a flag placed on the nose of the aircraft as it travels through the air.

'When viewing the starboard side [right side], this can give the mistaken impression that the design is backwards, or upside down, when in fact the observer is simply viewing the reverse side of the flag.'

I love the way the writer felt the only possible point of confusion could be what starboard means.











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Richard Walker

This is a prank but l love all birds

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If you love parrots please award them ✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️now on our rating app. It may influence government attitudes to these unique birds. Our campaign name is “Polly Tick All”.

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Richard Walker

Day 100

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As I write this is the end of day 100 of isolation for me.

But I think with sorrow of the huge numbers of elderly people who are isolated for years on end.


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Richard Walker

Homage to "The Soldier"

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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 26 June 2020, 23:47
If I should die, think only this of me
    That there's some bar tab in a local pub
That is for ever pending.
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Richard Walker

It’s a Lovely Day Tomorrow

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 25 June 2020, 00:27

This morning I woke at six and into my head flooded this song

It's a lovely day tomorrow
Tomorrow is a lovely day
Come and feast your tear dimmed eyes
On tomorrow's clear blue skies

Vera Lynn died a few days ago and I suppose her most famous song was “We’ll meet again”, often heard in the first days of lockdown. But a lovely day tomorrow seems more immediately optimistic; it is a favourite song and on my Spotify starred song list. And I think Vera Lynn’s voice, voice control, and ability to convey simple sincerity are amazing. This  song, sung at a bleaker time even than now, is a message of calm optimism and steadfastness.


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Richard Walker

The Loneliness of Mathematicians

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Edited by Richard Walker, Wednesday, 24 June 2020, 02:30

Q. What’s the difference between an introvert and an extrovert mathematician?

A. When conversing, the introvert mathematician looks at their own shoes. The extrovert look at yours.

* Not mine, it’s old, but contains an element of truth.



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Richard Walker

There is no Royal Road

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Mathematician are less concerned with answers, than with asking the right questions. That is the hard part.

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Richard Walker

Before Dawn Haiku

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I sent you a joke 

But I guess you didn’t get it

Laughter all.

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Richard Walker

Tiny Folk

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Mike. Ron.

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