Finally got my toilet mended. Very relieved.
Personal Blogs
At the fencing school I couldnât get anyone to speak to me. They were all touchĂŠ.
Why did 3 cross the road?
Because 4 was 22.
My advice in never use the word âcomeuppanceâ, especially if youâre sitting on a termite hill.

I went to the pub last night. Just hope I donât die to regret it.
Iâve just finished reading Shipbuilding in the early 20th century. Iâm not sure how Iâd rate it for interest. Part of it was boring, but the rest was riveting.
This skipping rhyme is quoted in Catharine Arnold's book
I had a little bird
Its name was Enza
I opened the window
And in flew Enza
Playground rhymes and games have been extensively studied and seem to be a good example of how something can evolve in a community without any individual being the author. I suppose we could think of them as crowd sourced
Pandemic 1918, by Catherine Arnold.
First published in 2018 this eye-opening book tells the story of the Spanish Flu, as see by those alive at the time. Meticulously assembled from the testimony of those who lived, died, and tended others, set against the media and political response at the time. It's impossible not to be deeply moved, and impossible not to see parallels â and to wonder whether, if our current world leaders had read this book when it was published two years ago, we might be in a better place now.
As lockdown eases I can resume my meringue making classes. Iâll be very careful and not take any unnecessary whisks.
Why did the fox cross the road?
To get to the other chicken.
Knock-knock!
   Who's there?
Alfred.
  Who's Alfred?
Who's Alfred of the Big Bad Wolf!
Not everyone appreciates how smart fish can be. For instance flatfish - soles, plaice, flounders, and similar - are often highly intelligent. Astonishingly there are undersea crime gangs operated by these fishes.
Once, in a submarine investigation I had a sea cliff at my back, whilst in front was a flatfish I knew had been paid to kill me.
And as it happens I had just put my foot on some gluey seaweed. I thought: has my life come to this?
Stuck between a rock and a hired plaice.
James Joyce is said to have disliked inverted commas (AKA quotation marks); in Ulysses and elsewhere he avoided them in favour of the dash. He referred to perverted commas, although the quip seems to go back earlier [reference needed]. Here's a famous example
STATELY, PLUMP BUCK MULLIGAN CAME FROM THE STAIRHEAD, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressinggown, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him
by the mild morning air. He held the bowl aloft and intoned:
   âIntroibo ad altare Dei.
   Halted, he peered down the dark winding stairs and called up coarsely:
   âCome up, Kinch! Come up, you fearful jesuit!
~WELL~...
I like quotation marks (a.k.a 'quotes', I think they are fun. You can nest them and that's the kind of stuff I like, it's the wordpuzzleist/programmer/mathematician/... in me. In the UK the nesting goes
""
"''"
"'""'"
In the US they start with the single quote*.
You can in principle nest as deep as you need or please, but it gets hard to construe after about three levels. Grammar books often have artificial examples such as
Jack said "Jill said, 'Never say, "Never say, 'Never'"'"
The deepest nesting I know where it arises naturally from the plot is from Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad (who âthey said, âspoke in Polish, thought in French, and wrote in English, which was more or less correct). The narrator, Marlow, is describing what someone else said about someone else. Marlow says
âI was broad awake by this time [...] The fat man sighed. 'Very sad.' 'And the pestiferous absurdity of his talk,' continued the other; 'he bothered me enough when he was here. âEach station should be like a beacon on the road towards better things, a centre for trade of course, but also for humanizing, improving, instructing.â Conceive youâthat ass! And he wants to be manager! No, it'sâ' Here he got choked by excessive indignation, and I lifted my head the least bit."
Colours help us follow the speakers
âI was broad awake by this time [...] The fat man sighed. 'Very sad.' 'And the pestiferous absurdity of
his talk,' continued the other; 'he bothered me enough when he was here.
âEach station should be like a beacon on the road towards better things, a
centre for trade of course, but also for humanizing, improving,
instructing.â Conceive youâthat ass! And he wants to be manager! No,
it'sâ' Here he got choked by excessive indignation, and I lifted my
head the least bit."
I am pretty sure Conrad is using this as way of building up the atmosphere of the book, which is quite (and quote) deep. Heart of Darkness has many levels; the grammar echoes them.
* Why? I don't know either but the sparkling David Crystal explains somewhere in one of his books (I think).
They told the XXX: 'The design is correct in all respects and carefully follows the correct protocol for displaying the Union Flag on an aircraft.
'The convention is for the flag design to appear as though it is flying from a flag placed on the nose of the aircraft as it travels through the air.
'When viewing the starboard side [right side], this can give the mistaken impression that the design is backwards, or upside down, when in fact the observer is simply viewing the reverse side of the flag.'
I love the way the writer felt the only possible point of confusion could be what starboard means.
If you love parrots please award them âď¸âď¸âď¸âď¸âď¸now on our rating app. It may influence government attitudes to these unique birds. Our campaign name is âPolly Tick Allâ.
As I write this is the end of day 100 of isolation for me.
But I think with sorrow of the huge numbers of elderly people who are isolated for years on end.
This morning I woke at six and into my head flooded this song
It's a lovely day tomorrow
Tomorrow is a lovely day
Come and feast your tear dimmed eyes
On tomorrow's clear blue skies
Vera Lynn died a few days ago and I suppose her most famous song was âWeâll meet againâ, often heard in the first days of lockdown. But a lovely day tomorrow seems more immediately optimistic; it is a favourite song and on my Spotify starred song list. And I think Vera Lynnâs voice, voice control, and ability to convey simple sincerity are amazing. This  song, sung at a bleaker time even than now, is a message of calm optimism and steadfastness.
Q. Whatâs the difference between an introvert and an extrovert mathematician?
A. When conversing, the introvert mathematician looks at their own shoes. The extrovert look at yours.
* Not mine, itâs old, but contains an element of truth.
Mathematician are less concerned with answers, than with asking the right questions. That is the hard part.
I sent you a jokeÂ
But I guess you didnât get it
Laughter all.
Mike. Ron.
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