OU blog

Personal Blogs

Asoka

Disillusionment is OK

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Thursday, 20 Jan 2022, 21:38

Am disillusioned with this world, not much passion for anything just now. Career, painting, technology, science, books, music, films, romance, intoxicants, pleasure, pain. I no longer care for any of it, it all feels so unsatisfying. Politics is a load of crap, same old story of the wealthy shafting everyone else and the planet. Victims of greed they hoard and hoard, and never feel happy or content, there's always that niggling feeling of dissatisfaction in the background, and to fill this they automatically grasp for more wealth and power, but they never fill that emptiness within, never cure that feeling of how unsatisfying everything is, why? 

This modern world we live in is fuelled by greed, hatred and delusion. And all of it is doomed to end, nothing lasts, all things are being constantly chomped away at by impermanence, everything is in a state of entropy. Is why I just stick my paintings to my walls with masking tape, I don't give a shit, I know they're impermanent and I am not attached to them. I don't even know who paints them, it doesn't feel like the Richie tapping away at the keys here, some other geezer and we are both impermanent, empty, and always changing.

Is it possible to feel happiness on the spiritual path? The happiest memories I have are the days in my youth dancing at rave parties high as a kite feeling connected to everything and feeling free. Those were the best feelings I ever had, nothing else I have ever experienced has been as liberating as that was. Full of immense love and empathy for everyone around me, and they also feeling the same way towards me, all of us one, smiling and expressing our good nature, a feeling of unity, of oneness, being completely at ease with everyone and everything. In that place I forgot who I was, forgot my story and didn't care a jot about it anymore, It didn't matter who anyone was, nobody cared, we were all the same, no judgement, no shame, no exclusion, just goodwill, friendliness, and a shared feeling of connection and space to be who we are. Those beautiful  memories stay with me, even now at the age of 46, and they remind me that deep down, all of us, whoever we are, have a good nature underneath all the layers of shit. We all want to love and be loved, to live in peace. I believe that our original mind before it is tainted by the world is good-natured.

It makes me think of the spiritual practise of metta. Metta means unconditional love, kindness, friendship, warmth, benevolence, and jovial good will. Metta also has a good-natured sense of humour, which can help one to not take things too seriously or personally. Metta is the Pali word, but there isn't really a satisfying equivalent that captures it in the English language. So I just use the word metta, as it is easier than listing all the qualities it embodies. It is a nice feeling, and there have been times when practising metta where I thought I came close to how I felt at a rave party (but without the dreaded comedown). Equanimity is also a nice state of mind, and very useful. It is the best one to look at reality with. Not a cold dry dead equanimity, it is alive, warm-hearted and kind, but doesn't take the suffering of the world upon itself. With equanimity one no longer clings to anything, no longer chases after anything, and one doesn't get shaken or swept up by the random nature of things, one is centred. With equanimity one remains calm in a crisis, unshaken and unsuprised by the changing nature of the world, in that lucid state of mind one can look at reality with clarity and see things as they are.

A Zen teacher said that my feelings of disillusionment with the world are a good thing, they are the first noble truth. Disillusionment means one has seen through the illusion.
The second noble truth is to see it is my attachment to the illusion that causes me suffering.
The third noble truth is to come out of the trance and let go of the illusion, stop clinging to the inner story of self.
The fourth noble truth contains the practical instructions on how one trains the mind to let go of and go beyond the self-centred dream. To (through the gradual training of the noble eight-fold path) reach a state of mind that doesn't die, doesn't suffer, and experiences a profound freedom that remains and never ceases - nibbana.

Peace and metta




Permalink 7 comments (latest comment by Jeremy Andrew Howard, Friday, 24 Sept 2021, 13:30)
Share post
Asoka

Abandoning the story

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Tuesday, 21 Sept 2021, 10:57

Whilst meditating in the garden, I reached a place of lucid stillness and became just a bunch of energetic processes happening moment to moment, and I forgot completely who I was and I didn't care. There was this otherworldly peace, and time slowed a bit and my awareness was perfectly in sync with everything happening around me. The boundary between external and internal seemed to dissolve for a moment and the world and me changed into this complex interwoven dance of energies. My inner story about who I think I am and what will make me happy, was meaningless - and I really just didn't care about it anymore. It felt good, it was a nice state of mind to be in. 

These nice states of mind are hard to keep going however. Not long after this I found myself getting stressed about something and I realised I was once again caught up by the things of the world and reacting to the push and pull of wanting, clinging, and aversion. But I did notice this time I no longer felt so attached to the inner story, like its hold on me had weakened somewhat and it is getting easier to drop it, (when I remember to practise).

Metta and equanimity


(https://vsual.co/listing/wlUIMQmBmh)

Permalink
Share post
Asoka

Healing power of metta

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Tuesday, 21 Sept 2021, 14:25

This may sound crazy but doing metta practise for the viruses/bacteria in my body has helped to consistently turn things round when I have been sick, actually the last three times in fact. Generating unconditional love for the micro-organisms seemed to change their energy a bit, perhaps even effecting their consciousness. And now I feel like they are part of me, but in a more benevolent form. 

 Metta is an energetic practise and means unconditional love, kindness, jovial goodwill, warmth and friendliness towards oneself and all other beings (not just humans).

I told all the virus/bacteria in my body, that they were all welcome to call my body their home, and that my heart-mind has resolved to become a Buddha. I offered to share the merit (benefits/knowledge) of my spiritual (bodhisattva) practise with all the different beings who call this body their home.  All the different consciousnesses living in the body-mind, cells, bacteria, viruses, fungi, parasites. I wished them all well and said they were more than welcome to call this body their home and join me on the path to Buddhahood.

I saturated my entire body with this energy and then radiated it out into the world. Offering to share the merit of my spiritual practise with all beings everywhere, wishing them all to be well and serene, and for everyone to realise Buddhahood and cross over to nibbana and be free from suffering.

Metta is a powerful practise and is a skill worth learning, but it takes time for the practise to grow. Equanimity is also an energetic practise that is worth learning as it compliments metta really well. They go together like a knife and fork.

Here are some talks and Q&A sessions from a virtual retreat led by Ajahn Sona I took part in last Christmas, they teach how to practise metta and I can testify that this energy is real and with practise it will  snowball and grow stronger and bring much benefit to one's life and those around.

 https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLodJ_OuDCKlexVt5B4exeYkiyM7sE8u5e


Permalink
Share post
Asoka

Yogi mind

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Sunday, 3 Oct 2021, 18:51
Lovely day, but still in quarantine so can't go for a walk. Feeling much better, less achey, coughing a lot less, although head feels like it spent the night in a tumble dryer. 

Meditated for an hour, it took a long time for the mind to settle, but eventually it did and there was a blissful moment of stillness. Was captivated at one point by a robin singing in the branches of the bush next to my open window.

Life doesn't always play ball with our preferences, so it is good to develop some equanimity towards the world, towards pleasure and pain.

Sometimes it is a relief not to think, to just silently pay attention to the sensations of the present moment as they rise and fall in the body. If you do it for long enough, you can let go of liking/disliking and get very still and unattached and feel like you are just a flame burning in each moment.

The Buddha said that Nibbana is not the end of the mind, it is what fire becomes when it is no longer held by its fuel.

 




Permalink 1 comment (latest comment by Jeremy Andrew Howard, Thursday, 9 Sept 2021, 08:51)
Share post
Asoka

Sea Nimitta

Visible to anyone in the world


Sometimes when meditating and one becomes still enough, a nimitta will appear. Nimitta is a Pali word that means: sign. A sign you are getting into a deeper state of concentration/samhadi and close to absorption. The nimitta is a mind generated phenomena, and varies in appearance and behaviour depending on what is being used for a meditation object . It can involve any of the senses, but for me mostly appears as a visual or tactile sensation. Once the nimitta is clear and strong enough it can then be used as a meditation object itself, which can then take one into even deeper states of stillness. There is often an otherworldly feeling that accompanies a nimitta and they can be very weird but in a good way, and certainly nothing to be afraid of. These deeper states of stillness feel very freeing and healing and one can encounter what is known as original mind which is beautiful beyond description.


Permalink 3 comments (latest comment by Richie Cuthbertson, Wednesday, 1 Sept 2021, 21:21)
Share post
Asoka

Rockpool

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Thursday, 20 Jan 2022, 21:18

 I am finding words increasingly dissatisfying to use, it feels good to be silent and just observe phenomenon without the internal commentary. It is so easy to get tangled up in thoughts and our stories about what we think is really happening (which are often wrong). It can be difficult to untangle oneself from them.

Words are good to start with, if one can get some degree of control over the thinking process and keep it directed towards just one thing, it can be used to talk oneself into a more subtle state of mind that goes beyond words, and using the breath as a tool as well to help energise and relax the body, one can glide on the momentum into deeper states of mind.

 To switch off thinking feels very good, in fact I wonder if most of the suffering we all feel comes from thinking too much, the brain is always trying to analyse everything, solve everything, do this, do that, the wanting, whether that's something you desire, or wanting things to change, the guilt, the chasing, the pain, the suffering -- belieiving that which you are wanting will make you happy and your life isn't complete without it.

Thoughts and words can be tyrranical, and keep us imprisoned in our heads, yet thoughts aren't all there is to the mind, the mind is much bigger than our thoughts. It feels so good to switch them off and go somewehere beyond the internal dialogue - fly free from all the wanting.

An abstract painting of a rockpool.



Prints available at: https://lnkd.in/drPth84D


Permalink 2 comments (latest comment by Richie Cuthbertson, Saturday, 14 Aug 2021, 00:10)
Share post
Asoka

Samhadi

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Friday, 1 Oct 2021, 23:18

painting of someone sitting near a tree and a stream going into samhadi

Permalink
Share post
Asoka

Mindfulness of the body

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Saturday, 11 Sept 2021, 22:29


A talk about meditation on the body and the four elements (earth, water, fire, air).

Permalink
Share post
Asoka

New blog post

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Saturday, 11 Sept 2021, 22:28
Not ordained with any Buddhist group; but I like listening to and reading different teachings on Buddhism. Practising can be challenging, but I do the best I can to fit it in with my circumstances and the changing moments of the world around me.

I don't mind being a lay practitioner though, I also prefer to work at my own pace. One interesting side-effect from the pandemic has being monasteries putting out virtual retreats for lay people to follow (instead of the usual physical retreats). 

I am learning we all have these same minds, but our bodies and brains are wired a bit differently and we all have unique karma, so no two people are conditioned in the exact same way.

It is a long path to liberation, and it is helpful to accept that, and realise that being a meditator is something you practise throughout your life all the way to the last breath. So it is also about learning resilience and to keep on practising through the good and the bad days; however long it takes to skillfully train this mind. Could be lifetimes.

It is also good to remember to smile at others, (obviously in the right context) a genuine smile is like a light that can make someone else's day. Sometimes I forget I'm not the only one lost in my head. We all have problems, we all long to feel peace, for the Earth to be at peace, for an end to the disconnection with nature and one another, an end to the divisive delusion of self and other.

Permalink 1 comment (latest comment by Gill Burrell, Saturday, 15 Aug 2020, 21:26)
Share post
Asoka

Practising meditation to perform at death

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Wednesday, 15 Dec 2021, 18:07

Some wise advice.



Permalink
Share post
Asoka

New blog post

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richie Cuthbertson, Sunday, 12 Sept 2021, 12:28

I think I need a break from the media for a bit. It is doing my head in. All of it, the mainstream and the alternative media. Can't bare any more of it, is just making me feel fight or flight, which is bad for the immune system. I don't know who is telling me the truth. They have all lied about things before, and I don't trust the government. There really is an information war going on at the moment and I think I have had enough, need to look after my mind.

Going to have a media blackout for a few days, will try to sit outside in the garden without any technology, need to get away from the media mind-games and fear. Let go and meditate in the fresh air with my plants and animal friends, try to find some inner peace. I've had enough of it all, depressing the rubber duck out of me.

Permalink
Share post

This blog might contain posts that are only visible to logged-in users, or where only logged-in users can comment. If you have an account on the system, please log in for full access.

Total visits to this blog: 433090