Personal Blogs

This world is a horrible place. I really hope I don't come back here again in my next life.

I feel the need to speak out against the misinformation being spread by politicians and much of the media. 

Both The Lancet Journal and The BMJ have published evidence showing that, “Adults who have been fully vaccinated against SARS-CoV-2 can carry the same viral load of the delta variant as those who are unvaccinated.” 

Oxford University scientist Carl Heneghan said that, “the evidence is clear that the viral load of the vaccinated and unvaccinated is very similar, it doesn’t reduce transmission.” Heneghan was speaking to Talk Radio.

Gibraltar and Israel are two of the most vaccinated places on Earth – yet infections continue to increase in both places.

To quote the historian Neil Oliver:

'History shows bad governments often look for people to blame, often some of their own people. Uniting a large part of the population against a smaller part – giving frightened, angry people a focus for their frustrations, and also for their disgust – is as old as the hills.

If the 20th century has a lesson for us, a lesson that ought to be as permanent, as indelible as any scar, or tattoo, it is that encouraging citizens to regard a minority of their fellows as unclean, as vectors of disease, generally ends badly, badly for everyone.'

https://www.gbnews.uk/a/161746

I am someone who has always liked the fantastical, the magical. In the stories of the Buddha and Jesus I love the miracles. Don't get me wrong and judge me for this, because the wisdom is appreciated for sure, and I understand it well enough cognitively, but sometimes it would be nice to get some simple practical steps to enlightenment, instead of just what we're aiming for. I e. It is all very well talking about nibbana, love, serenity and equanimity, but how does one develop these states of mind? I also feel without the fun of magic and miracles, without the devas and the myriad different realms of existence, the wisdom contained in the scriptures would feel a bit boring. I am someone who likes, (no, needs to alter my consciousness,) and go beyond this reality. I find the industrial scientific money-centric consumer world tedious, dry, empty and dissatisfying. It makes me feel dull, unhappy and alone. I long to expand my consciousness and explore other spiritual worlds, other realities, experience the psychedelic, open my mind to other possibilities, meet other beings in different dimensions, see things that go beyond this mundane grey financial existence of the 21st century, with it's bleak concrete, algorithms and neverending traffic. 

Aye magic, I feel very drawn to magic, not the spell casting kind, just the boundless feeling that this crap material existence isn't all there is to life or the mind and that one can transcend it.

Sphongle - Divine Moments of Truth (DMT):

I completely fail sometimes, like yesterday, I got triggered into an unhelpful emotional state. The key then I am learning is to try to become aware of what is happening and then work at abandoning the negative state of mind. This can be tricky, especially with feelings of guilt or regret, or the feeling of loneliness. One must remember they are not alone. Our connections are always with us wherever we are. Our ancestors are also with us. I am with you dear reader, and I certainly don't judge you. I will be your friend at the gate if you need one. You are not alone.

Drop any guilt or regret about the past, learn what wisdom you can from the experience and let it go. Try again, persevere. That's how you honour it. 

These struggles are like the guardians at the gate, they were put there to keep one out of the sacred space. The guardians are not bad energy and can become useful allies, but first one must enter the sacred space, and to do that one must tame and go beyond the five guardians at the gate:

Wanting, 

Aversion, 

Dullness, 

Agitation, 

Doubt

(AKA the five hindrances.)

One should remember that one does not have to face the guardians alone. We can do it with friends by our side. We are energetically connected, even over great physical distances, we are still with one another on some level, and can share energy - step through these dharma gates together.

A bit under the weather today. Woke up with a touch of sickness this morning. Didn't feel comfortable lying in bed as had sweated a lot in the night. So I got up and had a bath. Then sat in meditation with a Zen group I sit with regularly. Felt quite unwell whilst I sat, and have an annoying cough which kept interrupting the flow of meditation and stopped me getting into a deep state of concentration. At first I wondered why on Earth I was sitting meditating with others on Zoom when I just wasn't feeling it. But I remembered a story about a monk who got sick with malaria, and he carried on sitting and meditating with the sangha every evening, and even though he felt like he was on death's door, and felt gravely ill, he kept meditating and it was hardwork, he struggled; but he also persevered and eventually managed to reach a flow state known as samhadi (A profound deep stillness, lucidity and unification of mind) and from then on his sickness turned around and he got better. I have heard other stories like this, so I think there is something to it. There's something powerful and healing about getting into a state of samhadi. I didn't manage to do that today, after 30 minutes I felt like I had had enough and left the sitting to lie down for a bit. 

But it was not a wasted effort, there was merit there. I think just sitting with the sickness and learning how to flow with it and be kind to myself was a helpful experience. I tried to remain aware and mindful throughout and learn what I could about the mind and how to be okay with ill health and pain; not reacting, accepting things as they are, letting them be, without the suffering. 

 I can't seem to generate the energy of metta (loving-kindness, goodwill, friendliness) today, feel a bit weak and fatigued, athough I will persevere with that as I have found doing metta practise for the bacteria/viruses causing sickness in my body has powerfully turned things around for me in the past. I can't seem to bring up that feeling just now though, so am spending a lot of time in equanimity. I may listen to a playlist of dharma talks on metta later, as using the voice of another can help to generate the feeling of metta when I am struggling to be able to.

Remembering the five wise reflections oddly brings me comfort, and seems to help the mind to accept the way things are. It reminds me that the first four reflections: ageing, sickness, death, and separation  are natural, and happen to all living beings. The last reflection reminds me to show kindness to myself and others, and develop a generous heart and try to give in whatever form I can, even if that is just silently practising metta for myself and others, it still helps. As these are actions that can bring one good karma. 

The Five wise reflections

I am of the nature to age; I have not gone beyond old age.
I am of the nature to get sick; I have not gone beyond ill health.
I am of the nature to die; I have not gone beyond dying.
Everything I hold dear and everyone that I love,
Will become separated from me due to the nature of change (of impermanence).

I am the owner of my karma, heir of my karma, 
Born of my karma, related to my karma.
My karma is the ground on which I stand.
Therefore should I frequently remember:
Whatever actions I do for good or for ill,
Become the karma I inherit.

This is a nice practise I learnt in Buddhism. It is called sharing your merit with all beings. Merit being your attainments, virtue, knowledge, wisdom, benefits of spiritual practise, wellbeing... all the good wholesome stuff. And you share that freely with all the beings around you. Both seen and unseen. It can help bring a nice vibe I find, especially when out walking. I feel the presence of many different beings, and some I call Devas, (we in the West call them spirits.) I feel them all around me at times, and they bring good energy, and I have found they really appreciate it when we share our merit with them.

We of course lose absolutely nothing when we share our merit with others, what you give out energetically comes back to you exponentially. This means your merit will grow from this practise, and then you will have more to give, and the more you give, the more comes back to you, and so on, it grows and grows.

However, the intention behind giving is also important, as it is our intention that will be the flavour of what comes back to us energetically. What we reap is what we sow. As a rule of thumb, right intention tends to come from the belly or the heart, intentions developed in the brain and our thoughts can generate the wrong kind of intention.

 I think it is a blameless practise, that causes no harm and nothing bad can come from it. 

It has also helped me a couple times with grief. Where I offered to share my merit with loved ones who had crossed over this past couple of years. I felt their presence as I did this and that they really appreciated the merit. All spirits appreciate it when we share our merit with them, I think it can really help them out where they are.

 I think this practise is also a good training for the mind in developing  generosity, good will and friendship with other beings. It can be done silently in one's head, and nobody has to know that you are practising this at all.  You don't have to be wealthy, you can be in poverty and still practise sharing your merit. We have all had moments of genuine kindness, there's some merit right there that can be shared. Share your entire life's worth of merit with all the beings around you in all directions, and dimensions throughout all time and space.

Keep doing that as often as you remember to. 

In Buddhism this energy is known as metta or loving-kindness. It also means friendship, warmth and joviality.
Compassion is a form of metta, it is metta towards another who is suffering. 
Empathetic Joy is also a form of metta, this is where one feels joy in another's happiness. You could say (for anyone who has encountered object-oriented programming) that compassion and empathetic joy are both subclasses of metta (;

Equanimity is also very valuable, and compliments metta perfectly. Ajahn Sona describes metta and equanimity as being like a knife and fork. They work well together. 

Equanimity is welcome for times when generating metta feels impossible, when the grief is too much, and for the times when you make mistakes and fail, when things don't go to plan, for the things you can't change in the world. Nobody can solve all the world's problems, neither me nor you are responsible for solving the world's problems, that's an impossible task. We also should not suffer with other beings. That just leads one to sadness and the complete wrecking ball of depression, which doesn't help you or any other being. The best help we can be to other beings is to practise keeping our own minds bright and lucid, keep our spirits lifted up so we can offer support and friendship, compassion, and uplift others. This world is going to need that now more than ever. One can also radiate equanimity energetically, which can help bring calm to a difficult situation.

This practise takes a while though, lots of repetitive practise, lots of failures, but don't beat yourself up for those, just learn what you can, pick yourself back up and try try again.

 It is good to try and find something that invokes that feeling in you. Can be anything: a loved one, a pet, any person, a mythological figure, Buddha, Jesus, Mohammed, an animal, a tree, the ocean, something neutral like the snow, water, air, colours, can be something imaginary. Use anything that brings up that feeling of love within you. Even if you get just a finger snap of the feeling, that's good enough, it snowballs. And the mind will find its way back there again, and again, and get better at finding its way back there. And sometimes it will do it without you consciously invoking it. Once it gets the hang of it, the mind will get quicker at finding it, and the amount of time the feeling lasts for will also grow both in intensity and duration.

Remember that what we practise now is what we will become. A way I have found that can help to keep fuelling the determination to practise, is to imagine having compassion for my future self and others. It is a gradual training, much like learning any other craft or skill in life, but with repeated practise it can be done, and the beneifts will blow your mind. Your future self (and all the people around you) will be glad that you did (-:

Internal combustion broken beyond belief

Opened up the heart but still no relief

Pain, and a feeling of disconnection

Alone, but don't feel like conversation

So me go deep inside

 far far within 

away from this place

to another space 

where I forget who I am

and that's the best

to forget my self.

I am enjoying this module so far. This year I will be learning about problem-solving and creating algorithms. We are working with something called Jupyter notebooks, which I like using. The module is going to be challenging, but it is re-activating my logic circuits and hopefully doing them some good, they were getting a bit dusty from neglect. 

At the moment I alternate between studying and painting. So the left and right hemispheres of my brain are getting plenty of exercise anyway, and the rotation hopefully keeps them happy, might even help with problem solving, we will see.

I have also got one of those daylight bulbs in my room, which I am using to help with low mood, as the nights are drawing in now and the days are getting shorter. It also has the added benefit of making it easier to see the colours when painting, so proving to be a good idea to get one of those.

Ah well, enough of my blurb, back to my studies.

I have decided I really want to make a go of the Buddhist path and learn as much as I can. Now my son is 16 I have more time to devote to spiritual practise, obviously inbetween studying at the OU, right livelihood is part of the path, so studying this degree is also part of my spiritual practise. 

 I feel the Buddha's teachings are important, especially now in these turbulent  times, and they should be available for everyone. Even though not everyone will be interested, they should be available for those that are. There are some really knowledgable experienced teachers out there, some of who started practising before I was even born. They are currently sharing what they know freely online, running free programmes, events, Q&As and practise discussions. I had the sobering thought that one day in the future these teachers will no longer be with us, so I should make the most of them and learn as much as I can from them. Then the scary thought came to me that twenty years from now it could be up to people like me to carry the torch of dharma forward. When that happens I hope I'm up to the task. I do wish to freely share what I know - I don't want the dharma to be lost. I have found the practise of buddhism has helped me a lot and I am keen to preserve it for future generations.

 Still, that's a long way off in the future, hopefully if I keep practising now, and I don't die any time soon, the Richie in the future will have enough experience, knowledge and wisdom to keep that flame burning, and hopefully be able to pass that knowledge on to the next generation and so on. If it wasn't for all the people in the past who shared what they knew and passed on the teachings of the Buddha, buddhism would have died long ago. The fact it is still so well-preserved 2500 years later is testament to how powerful these teachings are.  

A nice downtempo mix for chill-out or study: