I feel so down today. I can't put my finger on why I should be feeling this way, I just woke up feeling very sad. I have been very anxious over the last month, I can feel it in the back of my mind. I will be working away and suddenly my shoulders are very tense and a tight feeling goes across my chest and I start to feel dizzy. It's overwhelming at times. I worry about everything, even things I know I have no control over like Covid-19. I find I get cross over silly things, I'm going to bed at 9pm and falling asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow but waking up around 4.30am. I know I'll feel better tomorrow, it's just a blip. I have so much to be thankful for, family, health and a job. I just need to get over it. Tomorrow is another day as they say
The one thing I have really enjoyed working from home during lockdown is lunchtime. My husband has been furloughed but I am still working. Every day at 12 pm prompt, we meet in the kitchen and together we make lunch. We are fortunate to have a great butchers and deli near us. My husband rides up there on a Monday morning and comes back with ham, cheese, sausage rolls, quiches and anything else that takes his fancy and then through the week we devour it for lunch. When I worked in the office I never took a lunch break, I always ate at my desk and it is so refreshing to take time away from the screen and have a chat, a nice cup of coffee (I have a Nespresso machine) and lunch and just unwind. I will miss this time terribly once we are back at work.
The novelty of working from home has well and truly worn off. My concentration levels have gone way down. I'll start something then my mind wanders off and I forget what I was doing and start something else. We have a morning team call on Zoom which initially was fun, seeing everyone in their various homes, some would be in the garden, kitchen or at one point one of them was still in bed with her partner!! But, personally I have found it difficult. Being an introvert it's hard to join in a conversation, especially when there are a few, how shall I say, more forceful characters on the call. One of them is always eating breakfast on the call, I'm sure she takes great delight in doing so, all eyes are fixed on her as she piles porridge into her mouth, licks the spoon and then flicks her hair. God, give me strength, I just want to reach right into the screen and tip her breakfast all over her head.
I have one more TMA to submit but can't get the motivation up to start it. I know once I have started it I will be able to finish it in a couple of days, I just need a kick up the bum to get going.
I'm adjusting to new working arrangements, I'm lucky to be able to work from home, I have a desk and chair and with all the technology around I can attend group meetings. Skype and Zoom seem to be the best that I have used so far. The only thing I don't like is the solitude. I miss having a quick coffee break with my colleagues and just having a chat without having to request a time slot!! Radio 2 in the background breaks up the silence and I have become a master at Pop Master. My desk faces the kitchen wall as that is the only place where it fits without having to rearrange the house. I do have a Funko Pop of Stephen King to keep me company, he sits by my keyboard and gives me inspiration
I had a Sainsbury's home delivery today. I must have been one of the lucky ones to get a slot. I have to say I was very impressed, they delivered everything I had asked for with minimal substitutions, the only thing missing was light bulbs and body moisturiser. I take my hat off to all delivery drivers working round the clock. I no w have a fully stocked fridge and freezer and shouldn't need to go out for a couple of weeks.
I do miss my family terribly, I haven't seen my sons or my grandchildren for a couple of weeks and it seems like a lifetime. We have had a couple of group callls using Zoom, my youngest grandson is only eight months old and looked very bewildered by all these faces looking at him from a computer screen. It was very amusing. I think a lot of families will be planning big get together's when all this is over. My husband is finding it hard not being busy, he is not one to sit around and do nothing. So far he has cleaned the conservatory roof, the windows and the oven ( a job I really hate), and is now cleaning out the gutters. Not sure what he will do once everything is clean and sparkly.
Before the lockdown we had sold our house and was in the middle of buying our dream property in Littlehampton. Our buyer has now pulled out, so our house is back on the market again. Although at this moment in time we can't have any viewings. Everyone is in the same boat, all house moves have been stopped so all we can do is sit and wait.
I am thankful though that all my family are safe and well and we can still keep in touch, so many people are going through much tougher times and I keep them all in my thoughts.
Stay safe everyone,
I have to say I am quite pleased with how much studying I have done this past week and I have also found the time to do the icebreaker exercise set by my tutor on the forum page. It feels good to be slightly ahead. I enjoyed the chapter on the Kula Cycle and even made a little diagram to make it easier to remember the cycle and the important words. I need to stay ahead of the game as my husband and I have decided after living in our house for 27 years to move to Littlehampton. Our two boys are grown up and have moved out so we can downsize. I love Littlehampton and the surrounding area, the sea front is gorgeous and it has a lovely harbour and it is very close to the South Downs which we both love walking along. An Estate Agent is coming round next weekend to give a valuation. Eek... it's very exciting.
I am lucky to work in an office where dogs are allowed. I don't have a dog myself as my husband doesn't like dogs so having access to dogs at work is a real benefit. Just being able to sit down next a dog and stroking their fur and having a cuddle is heaven. All the dogs are well behaved, they are vetted before they get a pawsport to enable them to come to the office, and love all the attention they get. If I want 10 minutes away from my desk their is always a willing dog owner who will lend me their dog to take for a walk in the garden. Very therapeutic.
Below are a couple of my favourite dogs in the office. Buddy and Lily.
Right, I am back from my holidays and ready to get going on my second year of study. My books have arrived, I have my tutor details and I have booked all my tutorials. Now all I need to do is get my arse into gear and start studying. It is so easy to procrastinate and find other things to do. I'm glad my husband is around to nag me, without him I would spend all my time reading.
I have looked through all the books and read the assignment booklet and though it looks harder this year the modules look really interesting. There appears to be a mix on self study, searching for information outside of the OU website, some collaborative working and the dreaded exam at the end of the modules. I have glanced at a previous exam paper and that has relieved some of the anxiety. The OU's website is fantastic and full of resources, I could spend all day looking through it but I shouldn't procrastinate. Tonight I will hit the books. Wish me luck
I passed my first module with the Open University. Well done me. I am so relieved to get over this first hurdle on the path to my first degree. I have so enjoyed my first year of study. Some of it was hard going and there were occasions when I cried because I could not even form the first sentence of a TMA. But somehow you get it done and submitted.
After a lot of thought I have decided to study A105 as my second level 1 module. I was seriously thinking of studying L101 as being the easier of the two modules. But, on reflection, I believe A105 will give me a greater grounding in the Arts and Humanities. One other reason for choosing this module is that I have been tempted to maybe change my degree from English Literature and Creative Writing to the new degree of Religion, Philosophy and Ethics for which A105 is a requirement.
I've spent the summer re-reading the module books at a more leisurely pace and making notes that I think will be helpful for the second module. The set book for A105 is Charles Dickens, Hard Times. It's not my favourite Dickens book, it's quite a slog at the beginning but does get easier. As the start date for A105 gets nearer I am getting more excited. I cannot wait until the courier delivers all the module books and get started with the next year of study. Only 19 more sleeps to go.
It feels very surreal that this time next month I would have submitted my EMA and my first year of studying with the OU will be over. Overall I have enjoyed my study time, although there have been times when I have had to supress the urge to throw my laptop and books across the room. Most of the subjects in AA100 have been engaging and interesting and I have been surprised to find that the history subjects have been my favourite which, considering I am studying towards English Literature, has me a bit worried. Here's hoping I get more than 40% in my EMA.
I wasn't sure what to expect when I started in October but the OUs text books and study guides have been super helpful. All the tutorials have been at a pace that has suited me, it can be a bit daunting when other students seem to know more, or have grasped the subject better than me, but my assignment scores have been good so perhaps it is just me feeling insecure.
I am struggling with deciding what module to study next. I am useless at exams so A105 is freaking me out, but it seems it is the most logical choice. I'll just have to prepare, prepare, prepare and then freak out!!
I got an unexpected 82 on my latest TMA. I really struggled with this essay on the Benin Bronzes. Normally I write more than double the word count and then have to cut and reduce it down. This time I barely managed to get to the word count. I have been wracking my brains trying to work out why and have so far failed. I thought I was engaged with the subject, I even travelled to London to see the bronzes at the British Museum. I hate making excuses, but I do wonder if going the menopause is having an effect. Having a hot flush whilst trying to analyse a text is not easy!! But my score suggests that something is sinking in, so I guess I will just plod on.
This weekend I finally reached the grand old age of 50!!! I am now a quinquagenarian. It was an age I was dreading getting to although I don't know why, I didn't have any qualms about reaching 40. Half a century seems like a long time to be alive.
I was born in the year man landed on the moon and I am the same age as Sesame Street. Woodstock festival also happened in 1969. Gap opened it's first shop, Concorde made its maiden voyage. I am in great company, celebrities who are also 50 this year include, Jennifer Anniston, Jennifer Lopez, Cate Blanchett, Christian Slater, Jack Black, Catherine Zeta-Jones and the great Dave Grohl. Most importantly I celebrate my 50th along with the Open University which is also 50 this year. 1969 was a great year.
There are lots of things to do on my bucket list. Number one is to complete my degree with the OU, but others are a bit more random. I would like to learn to tap dance, I want to go paddle boarding, climb the three peaks and get a short story or poem published. I have many other dreams and I am sure over the next 50 years some of them will come true and I will have other dreams to add to my list.
Roll on the next 50.....
For the past few months I have been suffering from what I thought was anxiety. I would wake in the middle of the night and my chest would feel very tight and adrenaline would be coursing through the whole of my body. I would occasionally feel very hot and couldn't cool down even when I threw the covers off. I would wake up in the morning feeling like I had run a marathon. I've never really suffered from poor sleep, quite the opposite in fact. I could fall asleep even before my head hit the pillow and eight hours later I would wake up feeling refreshed. Now I wake up feeling like I have gone 10 rounds with Muhammad Ali. I've put on weight and my skin feels very dry.
It has affected my studying to some degree. Because I work full time I can only really study in the evening and at weekends. Now when I get home from work all I want to do is get in my pyjamas and veg out. The last thing I want to do is study. I can't seem to focus for any length of time. I've made an appointment to see the doctor but I really don't want to take any tablets. I have also been searching the internet to find some natural ways to help with the symptoms. There is so much information out there it's really hard to know where to start. I will start with my diet, limit my caffeine intake and cut out other stimulants and see if that makes any difference. It will be hard to cut down on caffeine, I do love my coffee.
Hopefully the symptoms won't last forever and my body will get used to its new normal soon. in the meantime I will have to adjust how I do my studying, little bite size chunks in the evenings and more studying at the weekends.
Ok, Christmas is over, time to get back to studying. Mother-in-Law deposited back to her base in Brighton, number one son sent on his way leaving me £100 poorer, "just to tide me over" he says, "I'll pay you back", yeah right, I'll add it to the tab! Number two son still has another week of leave but spends most of the day in bed recuperating after nights out and, finally, husband has gone back to work. I now have time to myself. And yet, I find myself tidying up, hoovering, polishing, ironing and watching Netflix. Stop procrastinating Lisa, get you arse into gear!! Coffee first though with my new Nespresso coffee machine and milk frother, can't study without a coffee by my side.
Does anyone study over Christmas? I had all good intentions of doing so but there was always an excuse, another mince pie to eat or a large glass of wine to drink. Visitors coming and going, phone ringing, grandchildren running through the house, how am I meant to study with all that going on. Order has now been restored and now I need to go through my study plan and put together a timetable for the next month. My 50th birthday is half way through January so I will need to factor in my celebrations too. That's one weekend written off, but you are only 50 once. Best get a wriggle on. I'll let you know how the celebrations went.
I seem to have hit a brick wall in my studies. Nothing seems to be sinking in. I really haven't enjoyed any of the chapters apart from, surprisingly, the chapter on Plato. I was really engaged with all of the activities and did some further reading on the subject. I feel quite despondent at the moment. Is it the time of year? It's dark early and I much prefer to study when it is light. I do hope this period of despondency passes soon as I really want to enjoy the course.
I attended my first face to face tutorial last night. I was so nervous beforehand but really needn't have been. Six of us attended and to be honest just as nervous as I was. It was interesting to hear what everyone wants to do with their degrees once we've graduated, it was a real mix. There were a few historians, one wanted to study religion and myself who wants to do creative writing. Our tutor put us at ease and we talked through one of the chapters and had a brief discussion on essay writing and how the OU would like us to set them out, we touched on referencing, which is my biggest worry but as our tutor said essay means "to try", which is exactly what I am going to do. I left feeling happier that I have not made a big mistake and that through 'trying' I will develop and become better and, most of all, enjoy what I am doing.
So my plans to start studying early were waylaid, work and family stuff got in the way. I now have a week off by myself, I've read through the Study Companion and I'm ready to start.
Reading Facebook messages about how far along some students are in their study has made me a little anxious. Some students have even started their first TMA!! On reflection though I realise that study is personal and other students will have different events going on in their lives which dictates when and how they can study. I've made my study planner and have it stuck to the fridge so my family knows when I am not to be disturbed.
I am going to use One Note primarily for taking notes electronically but will also use an ordinary notebook and pen. I use One Note at work for project work and my development goals. I find it easier to locate relevant information and I can insert hyperlinks, emails, PDF and word documents and you can title the tabs and sections how you want. I've even personalised it so that it looks like a real notebook with lines and a lovely cream paper look. I can have different sections for the four books that we will be studying from. I find it easier and quicker to type and my thoughts formulate better and if I think of something else later I can easily insert it into the right section. For TMA preparation I just copy and past any relevant information I think I need and print it out. I don't know how it will work with online study, perhaps I will get two screens.
Best get started on Chapter One....
I thought I would jump straight into this blog malarkey. I am about to start on a degree in English Literature and Creative Writing. Six years of studying seems extremely daunting having left school in 1985. It seems a life time ago, Duran Duran and Wham were in the charts and I started my first job at Gatwick Airport.
My books have arrived and I have read the study companion from cover to cover. I will be using One Note to take notes, it is so easy to use you can insert webpages, links, record audio and video and best of all it saves automatically. I have it saved in the cloud so that I can easily access it from anywhere.
I read Doctor Faustus, which is part of the reading for AA100, over the summer and today I have booked to see it performed at The Globe Theatre in London in December. Only three months to wait! I'm very lucky to live so close to London. I've never been to the Globe Theatre, I have walked past it on numerous occasions and always wanted to go in and now I will be. I am a happy bunny.
This weekend I will be starting studying. I have no other plans so seems like a good time to get my head around what I have to do and put together a study plan. I'll let you know how it goes!!
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