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Richard Walker

Poor Bastards

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Us poor bastards got locked up.

Which made the rich bastards breathe a little easier.

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Richard Walker

The Magician

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A poet is a magician
Since he can
Make you think it's a trick
When really it's magic.


This is a very free reworking of "O poeta é um fingidor", by Pessoa, but I hope a worthy one.

The remarkable Portuguese poet Pessoa wrote under fourscore and ten different personas. This is one he wrote as himself.
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Richard Walker

Collar Again

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Mi Madre always used to say

"Change your shirt!" And I'd reply "Por que?"

"Because!" So each time I gave way.

Another qué, another collar.

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Richard Walker

Dyophobia

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 25 July 2016, 13:22

Adolph Hitler was a keen cyclist but he had a thing about twos. When he bought his second bicycle, he insisted it was the third trike.


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Richard Walker

Buccanair

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I knew this bloke whose job was flying highjacked aircraft, especially ones stuffed with Carribean treasure chests. He was an airline pirate.

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Richard Walker

One Armer

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"I'd rather chew my own arm off" he said. I was like, hmm, that's not exactly evidence-based.

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Richard Walker

Tom Swifty

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"I didn't notice we'd be sleeping under canvas", said Tom inattentively.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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I'm off on a booze cruise. It's organised by Pinot.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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A friend has just launched a Bittern Sanctuary. He tells me business is booming.

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Richard Walker

Wildlife Report

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Tonight walking home (we both were) I saw a hedgehog.

Once I saw these these little animals every night in summer but now they seem uncommon and I mourn.

Passing a grassy bank – I heard a familiar rustle. I froze; waited; and sure enough a hedgehog emerged; snuffled its way on a circuit (pausing to eat a morsel at one point); then scrambled back up the bank and away.

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Richard Walker

Beware

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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 22 July 2016, 01:11

As Julius climbed the steps to the Forum,

Some guys that were there before him,

Killed him before he saw 'em.

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Richard Walker

Sweep sweep sweep

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He was the New Broom;

We were the Dirt.

Brushed away. Which hurt.

And the Room

Once swept: its Floor

Was then no cleaner than before.

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Richard Walker

Crystal Heart

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Do not kiss

This is what sharded

My heart

And more

When we kissed before.

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Richard Walker

Unruly

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Does every rule have an exception?
If so, is this a rule?
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Richard Walker

Alla Barnen

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 21 July 2016, 22:34

All the kids loved the new teacher. Except Moll.

She was sticking pins in a doll.

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Richard Walker

On Moonlight Lane: A Nursery Rhyme

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On Moonlight Lane I paused one night

To hear the church bells ring.

And when they told me it was late

I hurried on again.

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Richard Walker

Rebirth

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Edited by Richard Walker, Wednesday, 20 July 2016, 00:42

New born, I marvelled then anew.

Two hands, five fingers on each grew.

Why so many and so few?

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Richard Walker

Interview

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"Plans?" He raised his eyebrows

Thrust his big head toward ours.

(Smiling again.) "Is this some kind of test?"

He said. "Just let us have the reins.

We'll do the rest.

You're in safe hands. It's best."



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Richard Walker

Shortest One Liner?

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 17 July 2016, 22:21

Fleece. Great jumpers.


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Richard Walker

Daffynitions

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The Year's Top Neobloominitions Daffyned

Azalea = A nautical person; as in "All the Nice girls love Azalea".
Broom = Revving.
Carnation = Durn (Euph.).
Dahlia = More daily (or: More Dahly).
Knotweed = Negative answer to Peony.
Lupin = Keep informed.
Marguerite = A butter alternative.
Mint = Not unintended.
Orchid = Our kid (Also dialect: Any sibling).
Zephyranthes = Downsizing.
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Richard Walker

Swifts Haiku

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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 16 July 2016, 22:14

I heard the swifts.

They were tiny,

Crossing the summer moon.


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Richard Walker

Clerihew

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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 16 July 2016, 20:48
Although a Nobel Prize winner, Erwin Schrödinger
Was a seldom heard singer.
Even when he tried
People thought their cat had died.
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Richard Walker

One Liner

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She asked me to take a look at her computer. I said, "There's no point. I know what they look like".

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Richard Walker

A Hundred Years From Now

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A thousand lies, a million tears.

A hundred years from now, who cares?


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Richard Walker

Mondegreen

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Collected less than an hour ago and still fresh

A. Are you alright?

B. I'm alright. It's them others!

(pause)

A. Whose mothers?

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