The human body can't stay comfortable in the same position all the time. It has to move, has to rest, has to eat, has to go to the bathroom, has to sleep, gets sick, gets tired, aches, is full of all kinds of icky stuff, is vulnerable, fragile and changed by hormones that pull it this way and that. The body is driven by the desire for survival, the desire to continue, the craving for existence.
We are not our bodies. If we were our bodies we would be able to tell them not to age, not to change, not to get sick, not to ache, not to be ugly, not to be forgetful, not to be weak, not to malfunction, not to die.
But we do not have control over our bodies. The body grows by itself. It came from nature, from biological processes. It appeared and we did not create it, it built itself.
The body does not belong to us. It belongs to nature and will have to be returned one day.
There's no guarantee that any body will live long. Beings die both young and old, sometimes suddenly and unexpectedly. All species of life on Earth experiences this sorrow, death does not differentiate between young and old. It comes for all. Old age is not guaranteed. Death can come at any time, at any age, and this is normal, natural, the way things are.
Even though the body is not me, not mine, not self. I must try my best to take good care of it. Make it comfortable, see to its needs, be kind to it, be a friend to it, not an enemy. It is a home to a myriad different beings and minds and consciousnesses of all kinds. A world within a world. An interdependent ecosystem of different beings working together in symbiosis, fuelled by the desire to live.
The body likes it when we become aware of it. Which is why I think the feeling of embodiment is pleasant. It is the body showing appreciation that we are paying attention to it. It helps it when we do, even if in pain, it can be a kindness to acknowledge that pain, that part of the body which is suffering, to not just be in our heads. Feeling loved can be a powerful medicine.
One nice thing about being centred in the body, is the body doesn't think in words, it just feels. It is another language, a language before language.
It can be a kindness to our minds to move the attention away from the incessant thinking that goes on in our brains and just be in the body, fully present to the here and now. The body also appreciates it when we do this. It is a kindness to the body when we acknowledge its presence and connect with it. And the emotion of loving kindness always makes us feel better.
The suffering of having a body is shared across all species of life. It is something we all have in common. Knowing this can help us show kindness to others as well.
Enlightenment is as much about the heart as it is the intellect.
Wise head. Warm heart.
Feeling unwell again today, and that's alright, sickness is part of life. It isn't sickness or fatigue that's the problem. It's my aversion to it that's the problem. Let go of the aversion and one can make peace with anything.
The five wise reflections
' I am of the nature to become sick, I have not gone beyond ill health.
I am of the nature to age, I have not gone beyond growing old.
I am of the nature to die, I have not gone beyond death.
Everything I hold dear and everyone I love will become separated from me due to the nature of change.
I am the heir of my kamma, the owner of my kamma, born of my kamma, related to my kamma. Therefore I should try to remember whatever I do good or bad, becomes the kamma I inherit.' - [attributed to the Buddha]
COVID is absolutely horrendous. I have never had anything quite like this before. It is fecking horrible.
It certainly puts one to the test does sickness, it is quite tiring remembering to try and see the dhamma (four noble truths) in each moment and to disengage from the pain and not suffer, only to wish it would stop the next moment, then remembering dhamma again. I don’t know how advanced practioners do it, how they manage to not suffer when in pain, but I really respect and admire them. Sickness definitely humbles one.
Still I feel an odd peace, my life has not been wasted. I have grown spiritually and that’s all that matters in the end. The true wealth is within. I may be poor and considered a loser by the standards of the material world, but spiritually I feel like I have been very fortunate and the thought occured to me if I die now I don’t mind at all, I feel I can go with some peace and dignity and no regrets.
There’s a story in the suttas about a wise king who answered the Buddha skillfully when he asked him what he would do if armies where coming for him in all directions crushing everything in their path, and the king answered he would practise generosity.
I am not wealthy like the king, but generosity doesn’t have to be just about money. One can be generous in all sorts of ways. Even in poverty and lieing in bed sick one can still practise generosity by sending metta (loving-kindness) energy to others. And a mind imbued with loving-kindness is an excellent state of mind to be in when sick and also at the moment of death.
A bit under the weather today. Woke up with a touch of sickness this morning. Didn't feel comfortable lying in bed as had sweated a lot in the night. So I got up and had a bath. Then sat in meditation with a Zen group I sit with regularly. Felt quite unwell whilst I sat, and have an annoying cough which kept interrupting the flow of meditation and stopped me getting into a deep state of concentration. At first I wondered why on Earth I was sitting meditating with others on Zoom when I just wasn't feeling it. But I remembered a story about a monk who got sick with malaria, and he carried on sitting and meditating with the sangha every evening, and even though he felt like he was on death's door, and felt gravely ill, he kept meditating and it was hardwork, he struggled; but he also persevered and eventually managed to reach a flow state known as samhadi (A profound deep stillness, lucidity and unification of mind) and from then on his sickness turned around and he got better. I have heard other stories like this, so I think there is something to it. There's something powerful and healing about getting into a state of samhadi. I didn't manage to do that today, after 30 minutes I felt like I had had enough and left the sitting to lie down for a bit.
But it was not a wasted effort, there was merit there. I think just sitting with the sickness and learning how to flow with it and be kind to myself was a helpful experience. I tried to remain aware and mindful throughout and learn what I could about the mind and how to be okay with ill health and pain; not reacting, accepting things as they are, letting them be, without the suffering.
I can't seem to generate the energy of metta (loving-kindness, goodwill, friendliness) today, feel a bit weak and fatigued, athough I will persevere with that as I have found doing metta practise for the bacteria/viruses causing sickness in my body has powerfully turned things around for me in the past. I can't seem to bring up that feeling just now though, so am spending a lot of time in equanimity. I may listen to a playlist of dharma talks on metta later, as using the voice of another can help to generate the feeling of metta when I am struggling to be able to.
Remembering the five wise reflections oddly brings me comfort, and seems to help the mind to accept the way things are. It reminds me that the first four reflections: ageing, sickness, death, and separation are natural, and happen to all living beings. The last reflection reminds me to show kindness to myself and others, and develop a generous heart and try to give in whatever form I can, even if that is just silently practising metta for myself and others, it still helps. As these are actions that can bring one good karma.
The Five wise reflections
I am of the nature to age; I have not gone beyond old age.
I am of the nature to get sick; I have not gone beyond ill health.
I am of the nature to die; I have not gone beyond dying.
Everything I hold dear and everyone that I love,
Will become separated from me due to the nature of change (of impermanence).
I am the owner of my karma, heir of my karma,
Born of my karma, related to my karma.
My karma is the ground on which I stand.
Therefore should I frequently remember:
Whatever actions I do for good or for ill,
Become the karma I inherit.
Feeling a bit under the weather today, think it is just a cold. Spent some time with a few drops of olbas oil in a bowl of boiling water and a towel over my head, breathing the vapours in for as long as I can stand it. Also drinking plenty of chamomile tea as that is good for the immune system, (at least I believe it is, always seems to help me recover quicker anyway).
I am lucky to have a robin that perches in the bush next to my window and sings his little heart out. The sound transports my mind into some otherworldly peace that is hard to put into words.
Seeing some interesting colours, shapes and patterns in the walls and floor, I wonder sometimes if there are many worlds that overlap in the same space, this material one we inhabit being just one of many. Perhaps there are ways to tune our consciousness so we can visit the other realities - that would be fun.
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