I hear a lot about mutant but I don't get it. I didn't even know ants could talk

At one time I was an international boat-napper. It’s an unusual occupation, but basically I used to take rowing boats and hold them to ransom.

I remember one episode in Scandinavia, where people with names like Lars, Magnus, Gerd and so on all had dinghies pulled up on the beach next to their chalets. With so many to choose from it was a difficult decision, but finally I took the hull by Bjorn’s.

Won a gardening competition yesterday. Behind at one point, but luckily I had an acer up my sleeve.

Q. How do cats make their morning coffee?

A. With a purrcolator.

A creative friend has created a magical garden-within-a-garden. We bought most of the plants, the pond liner and some of the materials, but we also scavenged a lot of cobbles and the wonderful Cornish limestone slabs you can see. We currently have a drought locally, so the pond is not filled yet.

This miniature pond is designed to be soothing to the eye and spirit, but also to act a wildlife sanctuary for a variett of small animals, We had hardly finished when this young hedgesparrow came really close to us. LIke robins they follow the gardener.

At night the area appears magical.

There were two birds sat on a bough

If they’ve not gone they’ll be there now.

My grandson writes:

I have cat-like reflexes. Whenever I see a cat I instantly like it.

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. 

A rose is a rose is a rose.

They are not long, the days of wine and roses.

He who wants a rose must respect the thorn.

It’s the time that you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important.

Laurel. Very Hardy.

Our garden has a small patch of woodland, with thriving trees but the ground level plants are limited, apart from snowdrops and celandines.

So we've started working on widening the number of species, beginning with some ferns. We have acquired five kinds, three native to this country, one from China I think, and one from New Zealand. Some are deciduous so their foliage dies back in autumn, others retain their leaves throughout the seasons.

Ferns tend to like shade, but in varying degrees, so we've been trying to match their position carefully to their preferences. Not sure we have it right, it's a difficult judgement, but they can be moved later if necessary.

Not all in the ground yet, but the photo gives an idea of what we are aiming at.

Why did Santa get priority for his vaccination? Because of his underlying elf issues!