Sometimes when meditating and one becomes still enough, a nimitta will appear. Nimitta is a Pali word that means: sign. A sign you are getting into a deeper state of concentration/samhadi and close to absorption. The nimitta is a mind generated phenomena, and varies in appearance and behaviour depending on what is being used for a meditation object . It can involve any of the senses, but for me mostly appears as a visual or tactile sensation. Once the nimitta is clear and strong enough it can then be used as a meditation object itself, which can then take one into even deeper states of stillness. There is often an otherworldly feeling that accompanies a nimitta and they can be very weird but in a good way, and certainly nothing to be afraid of. These deeper states of stillness feel very freeing and healing and one can encounter what is known as original mind which is beautiful beyond description.

 I am finding words increasingly dissatisfying to use, it feels good to be silent and just observe phenomenon without the internal commentary. It is so easy to get tangled up in thoughts and our stories about what we think is really happening (which are often wrong). It can be difficult to untangle oneself from them.

Words are good to start with, if one can get some degree of control over the thinking process and keep it directed towards just one thing, it can be used to talk oneself into a more subtle state of mind that goes beyond words, and using the breath as a tool as well to help energise and relax the body, one can glide on the momentum into deeper states of mind.

 To switch off thinking feels very good, in fact I wonder if most of the suffering we all feel comes from thinking too much, the brain is always trying to analyse everything, solve everything, do this, do that, the wanting, whether that's something you desire, or wanting things to change, the guilt, the chasing, the pain, the suffering -- belieiving that which you are wanting will make you happy and your life isn't complete without it.

Thoughts and words can be tyrranical, and keep us imprisoned in our heads, yet thoughts aren't all there is to the mind, the mind is much bigger than our thoughts. It feels so good to switch them off and go somewehere beyond the internal dialogue - fly free from all the wanting.

An abstract painting of a rockpool.

Prints available at: https://lnkd.in/drPth84D

Have been getting into painting again, still very much learning the craft. I am not into photo-realitstic drawing or realistic depictions of reality, those kind of paintings don't do much for me, and I find drawing a bit tedious if all I am doing is drawing something exactly as it appears in front of me. I am very much into abstract and the inner world and playing with colour and form.
  I am currently designing my own website, but it will be a while before I have it online, as going to have to go over some of the materials in the web technologies module again, as I have forgotten a lot of it.
  In the meantime I have scanned my paintings and uploaded them onto two websites where people can buy prints, but not sold any yet, it is hard to make money with art, but what the Hell, thought I would give it a go anyway.

The sites are:

https://www.artpal.com/richie 

and

https://www.vsual.co/shop/richie

Here's one of the paintings:

and another:

The intelligence of trees:
https://getpocket.com/explore/item/never-underestimate-the-intelligence-of-trees

Some more articles about plants that are interesting:
http://nautil.us/blog/plants-have-an-ear-for-music
http://nautil.us/issue/84/outbreak/guided-by-plant-voices
http://nautil.us/issue/78/atmospheres/the-rainforest-is-teeming-with-consciousness

Of course I don't have a problem with Jesus, he seemed like a noble person, telling people to love one another is good advice, how much less suffering and better karma there would be in the world if people did this. I don't believe that there is an eternity in Hell for not being a Christian though. That way of thinking is like an unhappy prison for the mind, and the sooner people get out of the delusion of superstition and dogma the better. The name of the Hebrew God is: 'I am'  Perhaps there's a clue right there. When we search the depth of our being and ask ourselves who we are, the answer is usually 'I just am. ' Perhaps that is the omnipresent God that is in everything. We all have an 'I am'. Maybe that is what Jesus meant when he said I and the father are one. Who knows? I certainly don't know. It may be one of those questions that can never have a satisfactory answer. One thing I do know is supreme being or not, people don't get sent to Hell because they practise critical thinking. People shouldn't be afraid to ask questions about anything. The only way to learn is to ask questions and do your own research, find out what is true from your own practise. Experience is the ultimate teacher. Others that have walked the path can help as guides, but you still must walk the path yourself. Don't believe something blindly just  because someone says it is so, test it as thoroughly as you need, be scientific and discover the truth for yourself. Be your own guru. Your own master. Don't let another tell you what to think or  believe.

Watch out for guilt. Many of us in the West are brought up with guilt complexes. Guilt is no help at all, let that shit go.

The past is dead, learn what you can from it, but don't drag that corpse around with you.

Had this vivid dream of being in possession of a magical pebble.

I skimmed it across the water and each time it skipped it grew larger and larger until it became an island with ancient Aztec-style ruins on it. Me and some companions went to explore the island. We found an entrance to an underground tunnel and entered it. Whilst down there we accidently activated a secret entrance that held a sarcophagus, with horror we watched it  open and a female zombie with glowing eyes emerge. She was immensely powerful and terrifying to behold. She butchered all my companions but for some reason spared me and when I was the last person standing, she changed from the form of a zombie to a beautiful self-assured Goddess. She led me out of the underground tunnels to the top of the island, where she stood by the entrance to a cave. She did not seem to want to harm me, in fact she seemed quite protective and motherly towards me. And she had a strong sense of the wild about her, reminded me of the feeling of connection and kinship I feel with nature and other species of life.

Anyway I had no idea what any of that could mean, but it left a strong impression on me. I researched ancient goddesess, from all cultures. And found out some amazing stuff about how humans used to live in a matriarchal society. And it was women who invented agriculture and were leaders during the Neolithic times. The garden of eden story symbolises this, the move away from being hunter-gatherers to farmers.

 Women would often die in childbirth, and those that did would be venerated as fallen heroes. The neolithic peoples worshipped the Goddess. Silbury hill for example took 400 years to build and has stood for over 4000 years. A symbol of the ancient Goddess in the shape of a breast. 

 Things changed roughly around the time of ancient Greece, things became more and more patriarchal, and women became suppressed and demeaned; at the same time the natural world also started to become oppressed. Nature became seen as something to be dominant over, something to exploit and control. The idea of ownership developed, not just of the land, but also of people. Something which still continues to this day.

 Anyway, after much digging I finally found the Goddess from my dream. She was an Aztec goddess. Portrayed sometimes in their art as a frightening zombie-like figure. It is all symbolic though, she was actually quite benevolent, the frightening zombie side to her nature symbolises her consuming our misdeeds/impurities, so we can become pure enough to travel onward. The companions in my dream must have symbolised my impurities. The cave she stood beside, I think symbolised the womb. Ancient caves almost always symbolised the womb. And perhaps I am meant to enter it to become reborn, or maybe it means the world is about to be reborn. Perhaps the cave is the safest place to be in these turbulent times, a place to change, develop and grow into something new.

I dunno, I am maybe reading too much into this dream,  left a strong impression on me though and was odd that I would dream of a Goddess I had never heard of before and find out she was based on an actual ancient mythology. Cool dream anyway... but perhaps I am reading too much into it.